Soldier On is a program for the ill and injured in the Canadian Forces. It is a program that includes Jason in it's midst.  All of the soldier and family programs and services are talked about, promoted, ignored, donated to and volunteered for but I am not sure if the effects of these programs on families are understood or appreciated. 

It would be easy I imagine to talk about them when you never had a personal need for them. I hear people talk about them and I see it through their eyes. Having patience is a virtue and I do not say that lightly. Trying to keep my big gob shut for this example and in others is a trying exercise (to all of you who know me you know this to be true).  I am hoping I can become more quiet, more reserved but it is very difficult. Plus I am not even sure I can do it but I know Jacob would appreciate it. ha 

I still see things through my eyes from 4 years ago. June 23rd is the 4th anniversary. I do feel like the edge I got from that is waning finally which is a lot less stress for me. And for others around me. It is not a great place to witness everything from. That axis is a harsh one.

Soldier On Objectives

 

The primary objectives of Soldier On are to:

 

a.   Facilitate, support and integrate resources and opportunities for ill and injured military personnel to fully and
      actively participate in physical, recreational or sporting activities;

 

b.   Create awareness of Soldier On among ill and injured military personnel, other CF personnel, the general public
      and corporations; and

c.   Investigate, foster and enhance partnerships with Canadian organizations and allied nations offering relevant
      programs and services.

https://public.cfpsa.com/en/SupportOurTroops/OurFunds/Pages/Soldier-On.aspx

A lot of stuff going on, like everyone I guess. It feels like normalcy (whatever that is) is in the air.

We had a fabulous trip to Washington on the May 2-4 weekend. The Osmonds were amazing hosts, as usual, and we had a wonderful time with them, seeing the sights and enjoying the company. DC is a great place to visit - so much to see and so much to do! It's the first road trip we have taken together in a while, thank god Jacob has a lot of patience. It was a long drive but totally worth it.

Change is happening, as always

Being in Jason's life since 1991 meant being used to change. Getting used to change was a transition for me when we moved from St. John's to Kingston in 1993. That was a shock to my civvie system. That first year was difficult for me (or what I thought was difficult at the time). It involved a whole new way of life, one that I learned by living. I met some fantastic people that first year and I met some not so fantastic people (I called them something else at the time).

I moved from Kingston to Guelph then to Ottawa then back to Kingston, after Jason changed (remustered) from Air Force to Army. Then we moved from Kingston to Halifax to Yellowknife. In this time I had 9 jobs, one gorgeous baby and 3 of those years I was a stay at home Mom. 7 moves in 15 years. Then we all know what happened in Yellowknife. And I thought I knew what change was! I had no idea. The things you learn when you are 39.

So from 2008 to now we have as a family moved to Ottawa, I am in my second job, Jason has done 2 rehab stints and one surgery, Jacob has gone from Grade 5 to Grade 8, soccer, now football and has grown a zillion inches! ha

Now Jason's release is being whispered...it is coming. An people are warning me about the changes that are about to occur. They are giving me good info but honey, I have experienced nothing but change, good and bad. Yes, it can still give me anxiety, instill fear and seem overwhelming but by god, we are a resilient lot, and we will push through. Or I will drag them kicking and screaming. Either way, we are moving forward!!! Onward!

Just One Little Thing....

http://kellybuckley.com/

I have been reading this book as of late, and there are so many lessons I have learned in it, and so many that have opened my eyes. I had forgotten some anxious moments and habits I had in the past 3 years, it's good to know they do not happen so often now. I have realized I do not like to lock into plans now, whereas before I always wanted plans locked down. I have also released some friendships and have made some hardcore new ones since 2008 and it is because I see the world differently now. And that's OK.

Post traumatic growth is a strange journey but it had made me a better wife, mother and friend. It has made me better at my job as well. I have to park the emotions from time to time but other than that it has helped me at work.

A major traumatic event, and that does not describe it, has recently happened to a friend of mine. I stepped back into June 23 2008. I felt for her so much that it touched the pain, shock and anxiety I had that day. It rocked me. I had hoped to get down home to see her but the weather kept me at bay. I hope to fix that next month. For sure I will get to see her this summer.

Another friend of mine from my past is dying. With such dignity. She is inspirational. So are my parents and in-laws.

I am taking better care of my health, knowing it reduces the anxiety that can well up at any time. Talking with a social worker has been a gift as are my visits to my naturopath.

Jason was publicly affectionate today and at first, there should have been a comfortable feeling but it felt strange. Good but strange and then I realized he hadn't done it in a very long time. Then it felt good again. It almost made me cry but I was too grateful to do that. It was such a in the moment moment and he probably has no idea the effect it had on me but it was joyous.

Kelly Buckley's book has brought me back to the one little thing, to be thankful for one little thing. Cooking for Jacob was a gift this evening, he enjoys my cooking, more so than going out to a restaurant - one more little thing.