2009 is almost done

Jacob is between boyhood and manhood. What a strange thing puberty is. I remember it well. I may be turning 40 soon but you remember puberty like you remember childbirth - painful but something you have to go through in order to get to the good stuff. His body is changing, his voice has recently started to change, he is officially a bit taller than me and he wears size 9-10 mens shoes. OMG.
I see a baby and think "Was it that long ago?" He is almost 12 and 12 years doesn't seem like much in the big scheme of things but he went from weighing 5 lbs to weighing 105 in 11 years. It is pretty cool to be able to go see "Sherlock Holmes" with him or talk about girls and other topics I cannot discuss here (I won't be able to afford the therapy for him if I discuss our previous chats).
Turning 40 is a hurdle that I am happy to jump. Not having another birthday is not a good option, obviously. Plus I will get to see the boy become the man. But I will miss him. He brought me plenty of messy kisses, lots of sleepless nights and a lot of dirty diapers. Soon he'll begiving away his kisses to someone else, causing me to have more sleepless nights but at least there won't be more dirty diapers anytime soon.

Merry Christmas!

So many things to be grateful for, humbled by and to think about. Our second Christmas since that awful day. A fallen soldier on his way home. A happy and excited boy who still believes in Santa Claus (thanks to his Mom's hidden tactical procedures). A quiet cup of tea while waiting for that boy to wake up. Close friends who are more like family who invite you over for Christmas dinner and share their special day with visiting family members from Newfoundland with you and your family. Family and friends from near and far who sent cards, emails, presents and love this week. Thoughtfulness is always something to be grateful for.

Christmas is coming....

I have experienced more roller coasters since the last post and I have had some really great times and some really low ones. I had to remind myself of what we have gone through and how we can get through any situation. Bad things have to happen in life, there have to be bumps in the road. That is life for all of us. Good friends and family are what matter.
Last weekend I took a road trip with 3 fantastic ladies to go shopping across the border. Great deals were had by all and we laughed as much as we shopped. A definite high.
This weekend we threw our 2nd Annual Vaters Christmas Party and it was a party! We got to see lots of old friends and some new ones. Everyone brought yummy food, Jerome, Annette and Tony played some wonderful music (Newfie of course) and we got to dance, laugh and mingle with wonderful people.
Jason was the "belle of the ball" mixing and gabbing with everyone. It was something to watch. I got warm fuzzies watching him enjoy himself. If watching your significant other laugh warms your heart then you know it's love. Having friends make him laugh warms my heart as well. I had a wonderful time and I prayed to the Church of Tracy this morning because she stayed at cleaned up last night and I got up to a clean house this morning! Jason and Jacob slept in and I enjoyed my Christmas decorated house with a cup of tea. Another high. Working on our annual Christmas puzzle with Jacob - another high.
It is in those highs that I pull through the low times, keeping them in my mind through the struggles. I know I am stronger for them.
Please come visit us during the holiday season if you get the chance. Let's have more highs than lows.

Why do I do the things I do?

Why can I remember so much and then forget such important things that should really stick in my brain? Jacob has a doctor's appointment yesterday and I totally forgot about it. Even though I reminded myself all week about it and then comes Saturday and poof! Gone. I kept reminding myself all week because it was on a Saturday (not many appts on that day usually) but it didn't come to me until 6:30am today! Now all I can think about is calling his doc and begging forgiveness and hopefully he can get another appointment soon. It's not for any thing urgent but as you know, I have successfully made a number of trips to doctor's appts in the past while so I am horrified that I forgot about this one.
Again, why am I so hard on myself? I am my own worst enemy. I wish I was not like this. I used to think everyone was like this but then I met Jason. He does not beat himself up about much and he is happier because of it. Why can't I do that????
This is my last day of 10 days of antibiotics - I had a sinus infection due to the cold/viral flu I had over 3 weeks ago. I hope that stays away now. Jacob is feeling fine and Jason got both flu shots a while back.
Now I have to remember all doc appts, Christmas shop, clean, work like crazy (I love it but we are busy) and throw some shindigs so I can visit with friends and relax at the same time. There is my 6 week plan in a nut shell. Short term but hell, maybe then I can remember it.

Sick but still loving life

There has been a lot of sickness in the Vaters household these past two weeks. Jacob had H1N1 and after getting over that he contracted another virus (more mild) but he had to stay home from school again. My doc could not confirm if I had H1N1 but it hit me like a ton of bricks, kept me home from work for a week and I am feeling the after effects now.
The only bright light to this story is that Jason did not come down with anything. Now I think this is because I waited on Jacob hand and foot when he was battling H1N1 and thus I got it too. I have to say I was scared one of those night because his fever was so high. I called Telehealth and the nurse told me what to do, when to call 911, I even had her listen to him breathing while he was asleep. Not a good feeling.
My sinuses have been really affected by all of this and will not heal up. Hopefully next week will be a better week for that.
Jason has doc appts coming up between now and January - brain doc, cardiac doc, GP, it will be good to have him reassesed again and see how he is doing now medically. He woke me up the other when he came to bed to vent to me about somthing and I thought "Yah, another jump instead of my usual befoer the heart attack reaction "what are you waking me up for now?", ha. I smiled after we stopped talking because we used to do this to each other before and it had been one sided for quite some time. Our conversations are much more relaxed and two sided these days and I am getting used to (I am not taking it for granted though).
Now don't get that rosy pic of us in your head yet. We were argueing about something a couple of weeks ago and I told him the only reason I helped him come back from the brink of death was so I could kill him myself! Which made us both laugh out loud because the discussion was not that heated but it felt like old times again. Anyone who knows us will appreciate this.
This whole heart attack thing has been hard on me emotionally. Loving someone as much as I love Jason and the fact that I loved who he was the first time around, well, that was a toll on my psyche for quite some time. It still hits me every now and again but those moments of pure us that I get now renew my mental and physical strength. I see him going back to work and enjoying it. I am working and loving it, my job is amazing and the people I work with are too. Jacob is doing well in school. He is having his moments these days and I know they are due to what happened to Jason but we wrap around him and protect and love him as much as we can (without smothering him too much). He is a good boy, a good person and that's all we ever wanted in our son.
To all of our family and friends, military and civilian, thank you again for helping us through this. I could not have done it without you all.

Update

Jason is doing better than the last time I had written about him. He hasn't stopped improving since June 23rd/08. The most noticeable aspect being socialization, his personality. Playing cards has brought out more of Jason's personality, being home in the summer definitely helped with that as well. Doctors appts are booked for December and January, we are still waiting on his cardiac appt but I hope he gets it by Jan too. Blood work is every two weeks now. Sometimes there are problems with his INR but he is managing that with his GP. As he improves our quality of life improves as well.
I see more of more of Jason Version 1 as time goes along. Jason Version 2 is not around as much these days. I know this is an odd way to speak of the love of my life but pre heart attack and post heart attack doesn't do well for my psyche. I love both versions and I now love the blending of those 2. Every day with Jason is a gift, no matter what version. But I thought that before the heart attack.
Jacob is finally venting his feelings, his grief, his fears. I won't go into the details but he is an amazing child. Yes of course I am biased. Without Jason I would not have the greatest gift - Jacob.
I am loving my job. Jacob is doing well in school. Life is good.

All you did.

All you did.


All you did was breathe for him
All you did was tell him it was going to be OK
All you did was make him comfortable
All you did was put light in our day.

All you did was work together
All you did was pump his chest
All you did was make sure he made it to the hospital
All you did was do everything but rest

All you did was give a boy his Dad back
All you did was give his Mom and Dad their son
All you did was make us see the heroes among us
All you did was tell him he was not done.

All you did was rise above us
All you did will never be forgot
All you did will always be remembered
All you did is why it will be fought

All you did can still make me cry
All you did was save his life
All you did makes you shine when I think of you
All you did was let me remain a military wife.

what you end up facing

You never know what you are going to face. Good or bad, you never know. I am hoping more good than bad for everyone, that's all I can do really. Bad stuff has to happen, we would not be human or mortal without it. But why does it have to happen continually to certain people, seemingly playing over and over like a bad record? I know life isn't fair. But does it have to be so unfair that some people never get to enjoy a moment?
Enjoy the moments, that's all we have. God, I feel preachy. Sorry about that.

Friends and Family

I have got some friends and family going through some really rough times right now. I guess at some point we all go through it and that's what makes us human. Animals don't have deal with any psychological crap like we do, do they? Physically they deal with stress but do they mentally? It can wear you down so much. I have to say that Jennifer and all of my military family helped me through the hospital in Yellowknife and the minister and social worker at the hospital in Edmonton helped me through the medical ordeal. My military family in Edmonton were superb and their dedication to detail was amazing. Audrey and Roland made me strong. Sherry made me strong. Our friends and family that visited, that called, that emailed, made us stronger too. There were hiccups along the way but I held it together for Jason. Without Jason I don't know what I would have been like. I don't know what I would have have done if all of you hadn't helped take care of Jacob. Everything I did or said was for him.
Now looking back on all of that I know how I got through. I always knew who the good people were in my life. I always knew that they would be there for us. I knew they loved us. But damn you guys are good. Thank you.
Live life. Do not let people put you down. Do not spend your time trying to improve those kind of people - it isn't going to happen. Do not waste time on drama and complication - move on. Step away. If your gut is telling you they are not good people then spend time with others. Do not waste your one time around. Do not feel guilt, only feel love. Let the fake people live with each other, be real. Stay real.
OK I am getting off my soapbox now. Jacob and I had a conversation about fakeness last night and I guess it got me going. When an 11 yr old can see through it it's a good sign that we are doing our job right.

This info is from Dave Murphy's "Thankasoldier.net" website. Read on!

From today until November 11th 11:00am MCpl Elton Adams will be donating $4.00 from each album ($15.00 cost which includes Shipping & Handling) sold to the Soldier On Program. You can purchase Mcpl Elton Adams CD on his website.

MCpl Elton Adams was born and raised in Roddickton, Newfoundland, Canada. At the age of seventeen Elton Adam enrolled inthe Canadian Forces. During his first six years was employed with the First Royal Canadian Horse Artillery in Shilo Manitoba. While serving with this Regiment worked in both B and C batteries and ventured to Bosnia on Roto 7. It was also at this time hestarted to write his own music.While with the Artillery he played and sang for the troops all of the time.

In Bosnia his band, “Guns and Hose’s”(this was our band name because the Artillery had the big-guns and we practiced in a Fire hall—hose’s) opened up for the CANCON show. Domestically, he had a band called, Dirty Laundry and performed for almost all of the Regiments functions, private parties, and local bars.he has served his country for over eight years and a Military Police-Officer based in Halifax, Nova Scotia. With only two years in the Military police trade received notification that he was to embark on a seven month tour to Afghanistan. Further, he would need to complete 8-months of work-up training in Edmonton before the tour began.

One of the songs Elton wrote, “What a Soldier Left Behind” was heard by his supervisors and the response was extremely positive. It lead to performing at our farewell parade on January 17th 2008. There were over 2000 personnel present for the parade, both soldiers and their families. The song became and is still growing into a big hit amongst the Canadian Forces community. Elton was presented with my Colonel and General’s commendation for the song."On March 20th 2008, I performed, “What a Soldier Left Behind”, in Afghanistan with Canada’s beloved rock band, Blue Rodeo, at our “support the troops” concert, again the response was incredible.

Elton received General Hillier’s, (our retired Chief of Defence Staff) commendation and I received many thank-you’s from my fellow soldiers, civilian employees and retired NHL Players (Doug Gilmour sent me a signed jersey) who were present at the show. It was unforgettable. Now that I’m back from Afghanistan I have finished recording my first album at Denmark Productions and I have just signed a major deal with music distribution company Matchbox Recordings. Matchbox Recordings will be releasing my album in the UK on March 2, 2009. " - Elton Adams[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XtQAmfTOtA]

I was talking with Kay Kennedy one night online and she had said to me "Dave have you heard the song What a soldier left behind" at the time I hadn't but thought I would go check it out. I did right away and the words hit me very hard as I have met many family members of fallen soldiers and see how this song would affect them if they heard it. I contacted Elton on Facebook and asked him if I could feature the video on my Thankasoldier.net web page and he gave me permisson to do so. It is now the video people see when they first visit the site. I have since became good friends with Elton and want to help him get his music out there.http://thankasoldier.wordpress.com/eltonadams/

Me again. There is also a Bue Rodeo/Elton Adams you tube video you can check out!

Jason must be feeling better....

Well we have started to argue again. So he must be improving.....
He wants to go to Canada's Wonderland this weekend. I would rather poke my eyes out. Toronto traffic on a long weekend.....yuck. I will win this one because he also wanted to get a new computer, another sign that he is improving because before all of this he wanted a new computer and hasn't mentioned it again until yesterday. And tonight he ordered it online. So it's tie.
That is what marraige is you know - winning and losing and ending up in a tie.

Back home

What a time we had in Newfoundland. We laughed, we cried, we kissed and we hugged. Reconnecting with family and friends does the soul a world of good. After realizing how fragile life is this trip to Newfoundland was somehow sweeter than the rest. Most things in life are out of our control but the key is to enjoy the good things and that was what we did.
From Port aux Basques to Flatrock we visited a lot of family and friends - thank you all for putting us up and treating us to wonderful visits. I happily attended a baptism and I sadly attended a funeral. Mom and I furniture shopped, flooring shopped, shopped in general really which is always good for our well being. Jacob enjoyed his grandparents, his aunts and uncles and his cousins, he did things he could never do here with them and loved every minute.
Jason went home and did what he always did, read books. ha He did insist on taking me to Trout River for our ritual feast - that was wonderful.
Thanks to everyone who provided the fresh cod, salmon and trout. I would have swam home if I could. Jason enjoyed his turrs Audrey cooked up even though he had forgotten what they had tasted like. The BBQ's we had with family and friends were wonderful, relaxing.
Seeing everybody always made me think how lucky we were to be seeing each other with Jason by my side. I know how great that is, I don't think I will ever take him for granted again and I know I did that before last June. I tried gently explaining this to Jacob this summer and I know he gets some of it but I do not think he will fully comprehend everything until he's older and I hope this happens slowly over time. Some people stated it "Jason is so quiet now" or "he's different" and he is. I have changed too. I am just glad he's here for people to notice the change.

No Reason Why.

You should be playing with your Nan
Running around as fast as you can
You should be chasing butterflies
Not being surrounded by heartache and cries.

You should not have a care in the world
Just doing things as a little boy and girl
You should be making a sandcastle at the beach
Not looking for comfort within reach.

You should be laughing and have a smile
Scooping up dirt and making a pile
You should be hugging your uncle and aunt
Not because you have to but because you can.

What the hell has happened
No one knows the reason why
How do you explain this to children
When all we can do is cry?

Everyone is here for you
Your family has your back and will be there
As you grow up and learn all the memories
Learn how much she loved you and how much she cared.

You two are the light, the joy, the bliss
Laughing, hugging, squeezing, kiss
That is what you will remember
Your beautiful mother, always tender.

My ramblings

Life is a fickle thing. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it can amaze you. I think the magic to surviving this way round is to have more of it being great and less of it sucking but sometimes that does not work out. We are especially lucky to have been born in this great country of ours (not a cliche). Even if life sucks here you can get help from family, friends, the government, even strangers.
But sometimes it is hard to see the good times. It can be difficult to see the light in things. But there is always light in children.

I have seen some stuff in my time.....

Mom and I loaded up Dad's truck with junk fro their basement and headed up to the dump the other day. We threw in doors, old window frames, a lot of garbage. The pan was full but not for long. We headed up the dirt road instead of taking the highway for fear of losing anything out of the back of her. As we passed the salvage yard we noticed something in the distance on the side of the road. As we got closer we realized it was a pair of boots. We both thought nothing of it but as we got closer we noticed a "body" and I figured a friend of mine had rigged up a "body", thrown it down by the side of the road to frighten the life out of people. Yes, I have friends with a sick sense of humour. But I have it too. So that's where my mind went.
As we passed the "body" Mom and I both noticed hair on it and that's when I thought "oh no it is a real body, not a fake". So I stopped the truck with Mom telling me to keep going and I backed it up to this person. I got out of the truck and as I walked around the corner of the pan I heard Mom yelling "he's breathing, let's go". But I kept going because after what I have been through I am not afraid of anything any more.
As I rounded the truck, a veil was pulled back from the man's face and he looked at me and I said "what the f*@! are you doing on the side of the road?" I have great bedside manner. He replied casually " I was meditating". Meditating?! Meditating? On the side of a dirt road which leads to the dump? What the f@#! was this guy thinking? I knew then he was in need of mental help. I told him I did not think it was a good idea and maybe he should "meditate" up near Stuckless's offices. He said "I will meditate where I want to". I told him to go ahead but it is not very meditative to get run over by an ATV that comes barrelling down over this road. He said "Meditative? What a good word" and he lid back down and covered his face in a white veil.
I got back in the truck and shook my head. I have officially seen it all.

Fragility

I titled this blog Your Life Is For Rent because I believe and this week I got another reminder of how true that statement is. Feelings from last summer are erupting again, they come and go but I know I am one of the lucky ones. What determines who stays and who goes? Is it random? Is there nothing we can do about it?
We try and eat right, exercise, treat people right but does that do anything to prevent the inevitable at times? Probably not. Depressing but true yet we still do those things to increase our chances for a longer life. How could we not? I wish I could understand more of this dilemma but that's not in the cards for any of us. I just finished reading two books by Mary Roach - Stiff- the Curious Lives of Human Cadavers and Spook -Science Tackles the Afterlife. Both excellent books but I know most of you will not read them. Not sure why I am into this kind of thing but I always have been, even as a little girl. The first book talks alot about donating (or not) your body to science and what cadavers have done over the years to help the living, to push medicine forward. The second book is a quest to find out if there is an afterlife. The author ends up believing there is but she did not find the proof (her being a scientist) that she needed to confirm such a belief.
If there is we won't know it until we pass. Frustrating but true. If there isn't then we won't care much about it, how could we if we have already passed? Morbid topic for today but all of this has been running through my head (scary or what?) and if I write here maybe I can release some of it into the ether.
Do you believe in an afterlife?

Work......

Going into my second week of work. I love my job and the people on my team at work are great, amazing. This past week I got to talk to people at some of the MFRC's across Canada including St. Johns. It made me homesick hearing their voices there. But what wonderful people at all of the MFRC's that I have come into contact with!! I wish I did not have to manage home and work but don't we all?
Jacob's best friend is visiting us this week - what a time they are having! They have done Canada Day on Parliament Hill, they have gone to the Canadian Mint for a tour, shopped for rocks and heavy metals, saw Transformers2 and they spent 2 hours in the pool in Russell today. Fun is their motto!
I had a physical doen on Friday, yearly thing. I have carpel tunnel in both wrists. Sad but true. I need 2 splints, oh joy oh bliss oh love divine! I had an internal done, always fun. She checked my whole body, even my feet for skin cancer - no signs! Yah. I need more flexibility so I have to work in some yoga or pilates. My diet and exercise was great other than the need for more weight lifting and the flexible stuff. She figures I need to mix up my workouts so that I confuse my body and drop my extra weight. I will try. It seems I have been on that treadmill an awful lot with no real weight loss results. I know my heart is in better shape but I would like to see those pounds go. Anyone suggest a good DVD for yoga or pilates? Also she told me to try the GI Diet which I have heard of but never tried. It's supposed to be good for the ticker too so I will try it.
So I am supposed to lift weights with carpel tunnel and make myself into a pretzel but other than that I am fine! HA
My doc also asked all about Jason. She wanted to know how things were at home. I told her about him not being the same, similar but not the same and she asked me if it was just as easy to love this Jason and I did not even have to think - of course it is!! He is still funny, witty, sarcastic - all the things I loved. Just not as talkative, more introverted than before. He wishes it would end and he would be the same way he was before but it has only been a year and he has made such a successful recovery so far. I know he is still recovering and will continue to do so. We have to be patient, he has to be patient. It is hard sometimes but we both know how lucky we are.

If I had a wish.....

If I had the whole year to do over again would I do anything different? Probably not. I fought tooth and nail for Jason's medical care, and our military family helped us to that with alot less fight and more ease to be frank. If I could have protected Jacob more I would have but I do not think that was possible.
Would I have given up the chance to know how dedicated and loving Jason's colleagues were at JTFN? No.
Would I have given up the chance to witness Jeff and Jennifer go beyond the call of friends and take Jacob in as their own? No.
Would I have given up the chance to love Roland and Audrey more than I ever thought possible? No.
Would I have given up the chance to have my best friend in the world show me her love? No.
Would I have given up the chance to see what friendship is firsthand? No. To witness Keith, Ros and so many family and friends show their love through visits, emails, calls, support? No.
Would I have given up the chance to have Tom, Teresa, Mason and Shelby take us under their wings? No.
We have seen many great things this past year, haven't we?
All of you have been a sight to see, to witness the backbone of friendship, kinship, it has been a joy.
Would I have given up the chance to watch Jason in the fight of his life, for his life? Yes. But boy was it a miracle to watch. To see that happen, day by day, minute by minute. A gift in a cloak of tragedy.

Happy Anniversary

It has been one year since Jason's heart attack. One fast but traumatic and life changing year. It has also been a year of hope, love, laughter and pure joy. As we watched Jacob play soccer tonight I tried to think back over the year's events but I could not go there. Life is so good now. Nothing but forward.
Thank you to you all and you know who you are who have helped us, supported us, called, emailed, visited, lent us your ears, your rooms, your table. You are all part of our family. XO's to Audrey and Roland.
I also managed to forget my parent's 40th wedding anniversary. It is today. Last June 23rd I had my mind blown and did not remember them of course. Yesterday I found a book with birthdays and anniversary's in it and I saw it. Now I have known when Mom and Dad's anniversary is but last year it got blown out of my memory bank and did not return this year. It is hard to imagine something that devestating wiping my parent's anniversary out of my long term memory. Happy 40th Mom and Dad. Hopefully next year I won't be as lax.
I start my new job tomorrow and I am so excited. I am off to bed. Spent all day today with Jacob and his class at Mont Cascade waterpark in Quebec - lots of sunscreen and fun!
Goodnight and I will leave you with the card Mom and Dad sent Jason:

The earth went around the sun again, and you made the full circle in good health. What a difference a year makes.

Happy Father's Day to my Dad. Happy Father's Day to Jason. Happy Father's Day to all the Dads and kids that cannot be together this year. Happy Father's Day to all.
Thank you to the 5 miracle workers at JTFN. Without them this day would be so different. Instead Jacob is taking him on an interesting ride of activities. I will let you know how it turns out.
This week Jason has done and said stuff again that amazes me. He had an ear ache Friday morning but I had an appt so he just took off to the Montfort (that is where all the medical and dental care for DND has been moved to and Jason has never been there). An outer ear infection, just drops. But if someone had told me he would be able to do this a year ago it might have helped me out emotionally. It would have helped me, full stop. Now I know this sounds easy to most of you and it was easy for him. But that's the point. He was talkative in a social setting of 6 until 2 more people showed up but that's ok, he's getting there. He told me to stop babying him and asking him questions. He's been disciplining Jacob. I went to the MFRC AGM Thursday night and I left in a whirl and Jason had to take him to soccer. Now he had to find the sheet for soccer with the dates and fields on which is a feat for me but no problem for him. All these normal things have progressively made me feel better, made me relax, made me trust in this whole process. I know when Jason goes back to work that he'll be fine. We'll be OK. I can cry over that simple comment.
I am thinking about Unlce Ed, Don and Craig today too. Take care.
I wonder if my boys are ready to start the day????

Time

Jason and I were looking at photos from that road trip to Yellowknife and our first few days there and we could not believe the changes in Jacob. He looks like an itty bitty boy. No front teeth. He looks small and needs his Mommy. Now he looks tall, strong, the beginnings of a man. It all does go by too fast. I want to slow it down.

Up, Up and Away!

Dena came for a visit this week so I got to accompany her and her sis-in-law on a shopping excursion to Place D'Orleans on Wednesday. It was so great to see her, I miss Dena and all my friends from home. We had a nice lunch and then more shopping. On Friday Jason and I met her and Lana for lunch - I must fill you in on the Perkins experience.
Jason and I got to the restaurant first and asked for a booth but all the booths were taken. So the young man telling us this also tells us he can put us on the list for a booth. I assume we are the only people on the list (b/c we are the only people waiting) and say "Sure". It took him a while to get our name right....Baters....Slaters....ah...Vaters. So he tells us as soon as one becomes available we will get it. So we wait for the booth and for Lana and Dena. A minute goes by and 2 guys walk in asking for a booth to a young woman employee who walks by. She says "Right this way" and I go to tell them there is no booth avaiable and say nah, they will figure that out in 2 seconds....wait a minute. She sat them in a booth! Oh no. No. No. No. Even Jason chimes in with me. We both look at each other. This is not happening. You know how I hate confrontation - Excuse me I say to the young man who insisted earlier on putting us on a "booth list". Your co-worker just sat 2 guys in our booth I say. He looks at me and shrugs his shoulders. What can I do about it now he asks? Jason and I look at each other again. What can you do about it now? What can you do about it now? You go and tell your co-worker what she just did and work it out. You stop telling people they can go on the list and get a booth. You go a taking a flying leap into.....
Unbelievable. Anyways, shortly after that, a booth comes open and we are seated by another employee (that young guy wants nothing to do with us now). A nice guy brings the menus and tea we ordered. I ask for a nutriotional sheet listing the calories, fat, etc and he says he will look. No. No nutritional lists available. So I ask if they have one in the kitchen so I can take a quick look and give it back to them. No he replies without going into the kitchen to look. Ah. It's like that is it? I ask if there is any milk available for tea as there is only cream ont he table. He brings back a big joe jesus tub of milk. Ha. He wants nothing to so with me either. Dena and Lana show up and it's all good again.
We had a great weekend! Friday night we went and visited a very good friend and had supper with her and her new man. She had made lobster casserole for Jason and boy, did he enjoy it. I loved it too but jacob passed on it and had the chicken (he got sick after eating lobster in YK and cannot forget the memory). We had a very nice evening.
On Saturday Jacob and I went yard saling again. never saw anything but that's ok. We had a nice breakfast together and we talk alot while driving around and browsing other people's junk. He always tells me something personal on these trips so it's a good thing. Jason, Jacob and I head over to Scott and Helen's for a short visit, they are having a birthday/goodbye party as they are moving to Kingston in 2 weeks. We will have to visit them down there. They are wonderful people and their kids are adorable and Scott has been an amazing friend to Jason through all this. Then we head over to the Snooks for a BBQ, meet some new people, visit with their friends - great people - from Newfoundland mostly.
We all head out to the Russell Celtic fest and Shanneygannock (Shanneygannook?) were playing - excellent. It was pure joy for me to sit there and listen to Jason singing every song. His voice is much better which I didn't expect it to improve that much. It isn't as strong as it used to be but it is there. I lvoe listening to him sing and enjoying himself. Jacob moaned about it at first but of course he ended up dancing a bit, he played with the other boys that were there and he had a good time. Back to the Snooks for carrott cake - yum.
On Sunday we went and saw the move "Up". I think everyone should see this. I cried so many times throughout it, I was a hot mess. I sobbed at the end and Jacob was staring at me like I was an alien. He even told me he felt bad for me but I was so touched by the movie. It pulled at my heartstrings so many times. It is official. I am now a marshmellow.
Then we went to the Osmonds for supper and a last visit with Dena, her bro and family and of course Michelle and her crew. Charlotte is growing so fast and she is so adorable!! Connor hugged me so hard when we left - I love his I can hug you so hard hugs!
Read The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger if you need a good book. I could not put it down, Jason is reading it now and he likes it too. Best book I have read in a long time.

Basal Cell Carcinoma - the "good" cancer

What a week we are having again.....as the title suggests I got diagnosed with skin cancer this week. But it's the "good cancer" and I quote my dermatologist here. If you are going to have cancer then you want this one. Well to be frank I did not want either one but here I am. Those hot frequent burning days of summer growing up in central Newfoundland have come back to haunt me. Well, they were not that frequent. But there was no SPF anything back then and because I am so fair, I did burn. I have never tanned. She biopsied the spot we both thought was cancer and she burned 2 more spots on my forehead with liquid nitrogen. Now the liquid nitrogen burning was not that bad and the spots were small. She then told me to lie down and while she got her needle ready I braced myself. She said it would burn more than anything and boy did it. But then the freezing was instant so it was OK. She biopsied the spot then continued to cut outside the margins to get it all. The results came back this week. I now have to visit her every 6 months. Whew. She told me that no one approaching 40 who is as fair as I am will escape this diagnosis by a well trained professional.
I had the Sears guy come see my brand new stove and look at my 8 spots of rust on my oven liner. At first he said he could not see anything. So of course I ahd to point them all out to him. Men. He said yes, that's a problem but I have never seen that before. Hmmm. I had a stove 10 years ago that did the same thing but was alot cheaper. I hope I won't have trouble with this, I did last time and I don't want to fight about something so obvious.
The guy was supposed to come and inspect the house for the warranty and he did not show up. A nice guy but needs to be reliable. Hopefully I will hear from him soon.
I also did not find out about the job I interviewed for....I got an email stating that she they were sorry. I did not want to read the rest but I did. She then went on to say how sorry they were that they could not let us know this week but we should all know by Wednesday next week. I want that job.
Jacob had 2 great games of soccer this week, his team won both games. He also won 3 first place ribbons at track and field yesterday for his school - the 100m, 200m and 400m were his races. He will go on to compete in the regionals because of his quickness. He also got a third in the high jump.
Jacob and I went yard saling this morning and he found a brand new shirt and then cut a hole in it while trying to cut the tag off. Hopefully we can fix it. We also went to the Metcalfe farmer's market - very nice and to the Hot Cup of Cafe in Russell for breakfast. After that Jacob sat in the car while I ran into the library for 5 mins. When I came out Jacob told me a teenager got in the car parked ahead of us and then he backed into the car, shaking Jacob and then he took off! I called the police. Jacob did not get a plate number but he will be in the lookout for now on, we will see this guy again. A very nice police officer came to my door this evening to look at the car (just some scratched) and ask how Jacob was doing. How nice!
We also visited with the Snooks, went to Artic Cat shop in Metcalfe and went to the grocery store. Jacob and I had a busy day.
Jason stayed home - he would have made a better witness, plus he could have practiced memorization - a bonus to being a witness to a crime. The police officer told me if it is over $1000 damage then she would have called it officially a hit and run and looked for this guy. I just wish he had got out of his car, looked at my car, asked Jacob if he was ok and talked to me. I would have waved him off and said no big deal. Why don't people do that anymore?
Jacob went to the dance Friday night and had a great time. One more left! His best friend comes from YK the end of this month and he was hoping to take him to a dance but I don't think that will happen. Oh well, I am sure they will have fun doing tons of other things. Jacob is so excited!
I am starting to get a lot of moments with Jason now that feel familiar, like old times. Improvements are still a week to week thing. Amazing. he makes me laugh more than ever and we are starting to connect more often as a couple and I see that between him and Jacob too. His computer skills are coming back to him and his knowledge is too. Neuroplasticity is a wonderful thing.

Computer error

So I had written a fairly long entry when all of a sudden my computer kicked me out and eradicated my entry in one fell swoop. So quite honestly I cannot write all of that again. I have been having problems with my right wrist, I think I have carpel tunnel again (I had it years ago) so bear with me - the short version is still in me.
Sunday before last - Deidre, Ben and Vivi arrived and visited for 2 days - finally got to meet Vivi!! Adorable, sweet, could eat her.
Tuesday - soccer game - we love watching Jacob play. Jason got invited to help with the practice portion - I enjoyed watching him hit a soccer ball! Darn. Forgot camera. Oh well.
Thursday - had job interview with Canadian Forces Military Family Services - job is Policy/Program Director for adult education/health care/childcare for MFRC's across Canada. Wrote test at 8:30am - which was really "design an outline and report (350 words) in 40-50 mins, include methodology/tools/outline of report. My report was 350 words exactly. I hope it was OK, I was satisfied. Interview was 80 mins long, went well, I liked my interviewees. One question was "describe your most stressful moment". Hmmmmm. Let me see.....
Friday night - date night. Went out with neighbours (6 of us) to see Angels and Demons and to dinner. Wonderful time. Why don't we do this more often??
Saturday - went to the Hillier's for a BBQ - lovely time and got to meet Pete's brother Mark. Meagan is still a knockout and Sean has a faux hawk. Too cute. Saturday night when Jason came to bed I was almost asleep. Jason was talking away to me which he hasn't done much this year so I was like "wake up and listen Lisa". So we talked and then when he stopped I fell back to sleep. Cannot remember what he said but was happy we had that conversation regardless.
Sunday - laundry, cleaning up, grocery shopping for me. Jason took Jacob to see Terminator Salvation - they liked it. Jacob was concerned going with his Dad alone. I told him everything would be fine. In my head I thought "they haven;t sone something like this since last June and I understand". They had fun and Jacob is getting more confidence in his Dad. I know seeing his Dad last summer in that hospital bed is etched in his mind too. Asking me if he is going to be OK and me not being able to tell him "yes" is also etched in his brain. It will take time. I wanted to cry when he told me his concerns and then I wanted to cry out of happiness wihen they got back and both told me they had a good time.

Happy 2-4 weekend!

This weekend used to be about lots of beers down range, now it's a time to relax and enjoy, no alcohol involved this year. I remember one time trying to save my money for grub and beer so that the 24th weekend would be a blast instead of a bust. Now I hope all my friends are enjoying a drink or two this weekend, especially Sherry - it's her birthday weekend! She deserves to party.
It is also the twin's first birthday (yesterday). I cannot believe how fast a year can go. Last summer seemed so long, each day unbelievably dragging. Then the days just started to fly by and now the twin are a year old! Happy birthday boys! They are the cutest sweetest children. I am so happy for Jeff and Jennifer. What wonderful parents. What good friends.
I am still getting used to Jason driving. It is joyous and stressful at the same time. Does that make sense? Sometimes I wish I didn't open my mouth every time I felt like saying something but I am realistic in the fact that I am not going to change and that is who I am.

License to Drive

Yesterday Jason walked into the Drive Test Centre and waited patiently 90 mins in a non - first come first served line to be served by a very nice woman who conferred with our point person at the Centre before figuring out how to get Jason his G class license back. Success! Jason was a happy driver again and I turned into a nervous wreck. Why? Well I have been in the "driver's seat" for 11 months now and I kinda liked it. Not the stress, the decisions, the worry. But I like my independence, I like control. Yes I am a control freak to a point. Well I used to be. I tried to control everything until June 23rd last year. Now I jsut try to stay one step ahead of everything and if it all goes to @#%! then I have learned to let it go. Now Jason driving is a wonderful leap in his recovery and a big boost of confidence back in his veins. But I have to let go some more. I am finding that difficult but that's my problem, not his. Of course me giving him orders while he is driving will not work, I tried it yesterday. So how do I get over it? Hopefully time and patience on both our parts will let it happen. When I see him driving I see a man in a bed connected to loads of tubes and machinery driving. I have tried to get that image out of my mind but I just cannot shake it off. At least I have stopped waking up during the night to make sure he's breathing. Yes, I have been that worried and that stressed. That is not good for the both of us either. Relaxing has always been work for me so I will have to work harder. Irony at its finest.
Thank you to everyone who send congrats to Jason and well wishes. He has come a long way and he's worked hard for every bit of it. Your support has helped us make it through it each day. Thank you. XO

Mother's Day - isn't it every day?

You mean it's not Mother's Day every day? How did you spend your day? Jacob is getting treated for Strep throat and scarlet fever so we headed off to the movies today (wasn't that logical?). I wanted to see Hugh Jackman in his birthday suit and the boys wanted to see all the action so we went and saw the new X Men movie. It was excellent! A lot of it took place in the NWT so Jacob was impressed with that. ha
Check out Justin Timberlake's new "Mother Lover" video from SNL - it is perfect for today! ha

Mother's Day is coming!

OK the big day is coming up - you know what it is. My question is "What do you send the two best Mom's for Mother's Day? Whatever we send will not do them justice. My mother raised a big mouthed independent loyal honest woman and I am grateful for that. If I never had those traits I would not have gotten through this past year like I did so Mom - thank you. Nothing beats a mother's support, it is never ending. And my mother-in-law (which does not do Audrey justice) is the best Mom-in-law on the planet. I am sure of that. What woman could live with me for 3 1/2 months through the worst and best circumstances of our lives and still like me? Audrey. There is nothing she would not for me. Thank you Audrey. I hope I am being a good Mom to Jacob like you both were and are to your children. You are not only the best mothers but also the best grandmothers. XO

Great day for venting - tax day!

I went grocery shopping the oter day thinking it was the perfect day to do it. Why I think these things I don't know. Anyways, I do a big shop at No Frills in Casselman because the boys ate us out of house and home (well I think it was Jacob actually) and it is cheap there so I stock up on fruit, veg, and pantry items. I buy my meat elsewhere but I digress. I get up to the check out and she checks out a $100 worth which is a lot of groceries in a cheap place. She is almost done, 2 more limes to check out and it's over and her computer dies. She has to reboot. My items are lost. She looks at me and says "I will have to check all that in again" as I look at my packed groceries in my Earth friendly bags, the packing was done by moi. I am not packing them again and I say "Can't you use the receipt that is almost finished to reenter numbers and she says "yes!", thank god. I am not sure how long it took her but we were there a while. She kept apologizing and I kept saying "what can one do?". I knew then that I should go home and not go anywhere but what did I do? I went to Loeb, I mean Metro as it is now called. I picked up some meat and on sale items and as the "quick" cashier (16 itmes or less) ran the juice over the scanner I saw that the regular price came up. I told her it wasn't the sale price and I could not remember exactly how much it was but I knew it was on sale. She looked at me and said "Do you expect me to remember every item on sale in this place?". It was laughable. I looked at her and said "I do not work here, you do. So yes." Then she didn't offer to go get the price and I told her to leave it out. Then as she ran the next item over the scanner the price did not even come up and she grunted"I will have to go get that price. Grunt again". I told her to not waste her energy and leave that out as well. Can you believe this? ha Not the perfect day to go grocery shopping.
Jacob has his glasses!!! He got them yesterday and was excited, then he decided he wasn't wearing them, then he got excted again. Hormones......He took them to school today so that's a good sign.
Had another guy over for a AC unit quote yesterday, he will call me with it before Friday. Nice guy and local too so we'll see. I want to order one on Monday regardless. Two local guys are in the running so that's a good thing.

Girlfriends are like oxygen.....

Without friends I do not know where I would be or who I would be. I am a lucky person in that I have always had good friends in my life. There have always been supportive kind positive people around me - what a blessing. I have never been able to figure out if I attract good people or if good people are attractive to me but I feel like I can read people and tell if they are genuine or not. Genuine people turn me on, always have. If you are fake or not living a real life then we would never be close friends. I may feel sympathy or empathy for you and you would definitely know where I stand with you. But we would not be friends. In my past I have been very judgemental and I am still working on that because I know I have no right to judge others. That is something I will keep working on.
After spending a weekend with my close girlfriends I cannot stop thinking about how important they have been and are in my life. When you can laugh so hard with someone as well as cry with someone while they hugging you then you know you have a good friend. I wish that for everyone. Spending quality time with them was like breathing fresh air. I haven't laughed that hard in years. My ribs were hurting from all the laughing. The snotting and bawling were a stress reliever too but a necessity when sharing stories of the past 20 years.
I do not understand women putting other women down - be supportive and loving and reap the benefits. When you have strong women around you supporting you at every turn, good or bad, it only makes you a stronger woman.

A piece of normality

Jason was loading up his pill box the other night and as I was watching him he said "Stop it". And of course I said "Stop what?" He said "you are hovering!" and I asked him if that bothered him. Of course it did. I asked him if he was getting fed up with my hovering. He said yes. Finally! After 10 months he is sick of my constant watching, leaning, viewing, hovering, asking.....are we getting close to "normal"? Jason has been so patient these past 10 months, way more patient than I would be. I know he is a bit pissed off that this has happened but he accepts it none the less. I was majorly pissed off after I knew he was going to stick around with me but over these months I have started to accept it too. It is done. All we can do is move forward. I could not stop grinning after he told me to stop hovering. I have missed the smart ass remarks, the wit, the banter. Sometimes he'll got there with me but he doesn't stay there long. I don't want him stressed but I do want that laughter back.
Speaking of laughter, we went to NDMC for another appointment yesterday and as we were walking in Jason says behind me "Something just shi* on me". I turn around and there is bird poop on his head, on the inside of his glasses , down over his coat and we noticed later on the back of his coat. Apparently when a bird poops on you it is considered a good thing. You are lucky. Well, Jason, we all knew that already!

Another hurdle jumped

On Thursday Jason passed his road test with his driving instructor and his examiner from the Rehab Centre - one more success in a line of successes! I was so happy for him and so proud. Jason treated the whole thing like "yes, I am happy but I have been driving since I was 17 yrs old so what's the big deal?". He still has no idea how close he was to not being here. That first night in the CCU he was hooked up to more tubes and machines than you will ever see on ER, he was swollen beyond anything I had ever seen, he was not breathing on his own, he had a fever, 5 broken ribs, infected lungs, one punctured.....I list these things but I refuse to go back there. It is only a list in my mind. But on Thursday I started to see more light come in, as I have slowly but surely over the past 10 months (almost). My heart was swollen with pride instead of pain and it felt good. Thanks to all our family and friends who have and still are supporting us and Jacob - it means the world. Tom called because he remembered his test was that day and I could have cried. Audrey cried. Kim shouted with joy. Alma, Denise and Heather hugged him. Dennis was so happy for him. We all celebrate.
Also on Thursday we got eavestroughs installed!! Who knew I could be so happy about eavestroughs? Now central air is next. I am looking at a one and half ton Rudd (R410A), 14 SEER, for $2500. This is my lowest quote but is this a good buy? Does anyone know?

We spent our Easter with the Snooks, Mullins and Staceys' which was absolutely wonderful - a piece of home. There was pork roast, potatoes, turnip, broccoli and even goose which I tried! It was good. Jason really like it. What a delicious meal. For desserts a single available woman named Wendy made lemon cheesecake and it tasted like lemon meringue pie! It was amazing. She also made "Sex In a Pan" and cookies but I stuck to the lemon cheesecake. Jason has been quieter since his heart attack but he made plenty of noise when he tasted the "Sex In A Pan". ha He really enjoyed spending time at the Snook household. Jacob played with all the kids and I got to talk and talk and talk. A good time was had by all.
Jason's foot is still hurting, not as bad as before but still hurting. That rheulatologist appt in May can't come soon enough, I hope he has a good plan for Jason. I do not like seeing him in any pain.
I have had some good days and some bad days. Bad moments really. When I start to think about everything I get overwhelmed still but I have gotten better at stopping myself from going there. Before those anxiety attacks just came and took their course but I am able to feel them coming now and handle them. They lessen when I consciously think about something else or do something else which is a good thing. It will take a lot of time I think. But it isn't as bad as it was.
My winter tires have to come off now and I should have watched Tony closer when he changed them in the fall. I want to learn all these things myself and I know that will take time as well. The taxes have to be done as well and I have alot of the owrk done thanks to my sister-in-law. Now I have to get around to entering them into the computer......
We watched Bedtime Stories over the long weekend - excellent movie for kids. We all liked it. I got my hair cut and foiled (see Facebook) which I really needed done. I looked at it when she was done and I thought - I look more familiar to myself. Weird or what? Now I have to work on getting some weight off.

Glasses and visit

On Monday Jacob and I went to the optometrist. What a difference a prescription can make! As he was being tested he missed a few letters on the wall but after the goggles were adjusted (it took a long time, very thorough) Jacob could read the smallest line of letters on the wall! Bravo. So we have the prescription, now the frames. We looked at everything and he finally found one pair that fit him well and that suited him. So we put those on hold and will go looking this weekend in Ottawa. Just to check out other places. It is hard because the kid glasses are too small and the adults are too big. I am glad we have a pair on hold. Jacob was really good about it too which made everything easier.
Jason has another bout of gout in his left toe. He just got over one episode last week and it is back. We went to NDMC yesterday and sick parade was pretty good, not a long wait at all. I wonder if the "how did we do?" survey that was new had anything to do with it or do they finally have some extra staff to help? Anyways, the doc said yes it's gout and prescribed another round of prednisone - hopefully this takes care of it. She also prescribed Lid Care for his left eye which has been red for quite a while, not pink eye like it was first diagnosed. The doc thinks it is blepharitis which may have been caused by his hospital staff, or the drugs he is on. All he has to do is wash his eye lid 2x a day and that should help. She said the military covered it but they do not.
At the pharmacy while waiting for pills the pharmacist told me that she still ahdn't gotten the misprescribed pill situation figured out about his ramipril (he is taking them 2X a day (which is normal) but on the pill bottle it says once a day and we were not told of the change. She had problems contacting his cardiologist so I marched down to his office and asked his technician about it and he got right on it. Eventually asking me about it with his heart doc and the heart doc thought it should be 2x a day too so he fixed that up. Then he asked about Jason and I told him about the gout so then he cut his spironolactone in half to see if that was the culprit causing the problem and tols us to come back for a follow up in May. I hope this works.
So back to the pharmacy I go with a new presciption and then I suggest Jason gets his INR test done, seens he is waiting so long for his drugs. He goes and gets that done (comes back 2.6 which is great). From entry to exit we were 3 hours in NDMC. Whew. But things got fixed or partially resolved anyway.
Then I went to Stella's spa and got my hair cut and eyebrows waxed (which has not been done since last May) - that was a treat. I love my new do, I really needed a treat. Then I headed over to the Snooks to visit with Nan and Pop Stacey and Heather and the kids! They came and surprised Denise and Tony! She had let me in on the secret and I was so excited to see them all. Last night we all went over and it was so good to visit with everybody. A better evening.

Friends and eyeballs

On Friday friends came by in the evening and on Saturday a bunch of us got together at Dennis and Tracy's for a wicked meal - chicken parmigiana. Tracy is an amazing cook so we all enjoyed that and I need her recipe. We laughed alot that night and I know Jason had a good time. There was one story he stopped us and said I don't remember so I started going over the story. He said no, I don't remember the people who were throwing the party. Now he only met them that one time so we explained who they were and kept going. It is so easy when you are with good friends, isn't it?
I have to take Jacob to the optometrist this morning - wish him luck! He is happy he gets to miss some school but he is disappointed it is during spelling and communication skills! ha He also wanted to go in before (his appt is at 10am) so he would not miss a French class. I love his nerdy ways.

Making a Spectacle out of Yourself

We picked up Jacob at school this morning and took him to the doc to burn 2 more plantars warts (same area as last time) so that should be the end of them little buggers, I hope. Jacob was really good while she was doing it and then he threw the leftovers over his sneakers for a big finish. I then mentioned what he told me the night before - he was having trouble seeing all the writing on the whiteboard from the back of the class. So she had his eyes tested (informally) and he will need glasses. So I booked an optometrist appt for him for the 17th (close to the house!). Jacob asked the doc when he would need to wear them (recess? outdoors?) and she said just in class. He thought that was ok. He also said he wanted cobalt coloured frames. How does an eleven year old boy come up with this? I was hoping he would never have to join the bespectacled group of four eyes but alas it will happen. Puberty is a wicked fiend.
I had her look at my spots on my forehead as well and she thinks one may be skin cancer, maybe not so she is sending me to a dermatologist for that. Now one time that would have made my stomach churn up into my mouth but that news didn't make me feel anything but mild concern and glad that she is giving me a referral. Jacob getting glasses would have at one time made me feel like I failed him somehow (with my imperfect vision genes) but now it just makes me think - accessory! Perspective can really make you mature, hmmmmm.
Jason had his fourth driving lesson today an dall went well. He will have two more and then his road test. He has improved with every lesson so I am crossing my fingers and legs for his upcoming road test.
I managed to touch up the paint chips on the truck and today I will try and clear coat them. Not a perfect job but I am stifiling my Type A personality and letting it go. Life is not about perfection.
Jason is still forgetting a few things from time to time but he is also remembering more than he has in previous months. The neurons are still reconnecting....

Driving and acting

Jason had another lesson today. His instructor told him he'd need 3 more and he has seen improvement in Jason's driving so that is a positive sign. Jason was happy with that result although I still think he thinks this is just a pain in his butt. Fair enough.
I had a spot on my forehead that my doc figured was skin cancer so she burned it off and yes it hurt. Now I have a new spot but I am not sure if it is the same or just harmless so I am getting her to check it tomorrow. I am vigilant about this. Jacob has to have a plantars wart burned off tomorrow so I figure hey 2 for 1.
Jason has another lesson tomorrow. And I guess he'll book his next 3 lessons then too. The orthotic guy was happy with his feet so I have booked a Physio appt at NDMC so Jason can fill out paperwork for his second set of orthotics (for his combat boots). The prednisone is working for his gouty toe. He is having a good week so far.
I tried painting the chip on the truck but I made a mess of it. I knew that would happen. And it never warmed up enough for it to dry so hopefully I will be able to put the clear coat on it tomorrow. If it doesn't rain again. I also notice a big mark on the hood. The rock had actually hit there first and then it hit next to the windshield which explains why it didn't hit the windshield directly. We were lucky.
Jacob is going to be in the Easter school play. He is "Man in crowd". He wants to crucify Jesus and he screams this to Pilate. His first starring role in a school play and he is trying to have Jesus killed - I am so proud. Makes a tear form in the corner of my eye. It is sure to be an Oscar winning performance ( at the very least a Golden Globe).

Birthday and Birthday Party

On Friday as I was driving in to Ottawa a big rock flew up in front of me (kicked up by the car ahead) and hit us with a bang! My heart was up in my throat and I thought for sure it had hit the windshield (because that is fairly new) and I did not see anything. Where did it hit us? Anyway it was a big enough fright. When we got to the General I got out and checked and it had hit the left side on the steel part holding the windshield. There is a big dent and a big paint chip out. I am grateful it did not hit the windshield. I got a paint stick at Nissan and now that it is raining I will ahve to wait for good weather to use my "artistic skills".
At the brain doc's, Dr. Marshall was happy with Jason's progress and is getting a referral for a reassessment of Jason in the hopes he will get the go ahead to go back to work. This will all take time but it is progressing. He thought that Jason having to do driving lessons was a good lesson for him. He is not the same as he was before the heart attack. He will need to spend extra time and attention to detail that he took for granted in the past. And that doing the lessons is a lesson in reality. I think he's right - Jason needed a shot of humility. To realize how serious the situation is in that it has changed him. Not better, not worse, just different. I am trying to adjust as well and I am learning too. I asked him all my questions including the alcohol factor. Jason thinks for some strange man reason that in social situations it is ok to have a drink. And it is. But only one. Not two, not three. Just one. Jason is taking 2 blood thinners to let his heart take it easy for a while. Adding a third is not a wise move. So Dr. Marshall and his team backeed my side of course. I think Jason thought I was trying to keep him from alcohol (like I used to do before June 23rd - who wants to deal with a tipsy 310 lb man? Not me). He also wanted to be social, to be "normal", to feel like nothing has happened (I wish I could forget sometimes too). And he is only like this every now and again, just wanting to do the social thing. That's OK. Just one social drink. There is non-alcoholic wine, beer, etc. I may have to get the best of that selection and have it around in future. But the doc was happy with his progress and Jason was more talkative than he has ever been within that office. I was so happy and reassured by that.
Then we had to head over to the Heart Institute and see Dr. Klett. She had good news! Jason's good cholesterol was up and his bad cholesterol was down to exactly where she wanted it! The change in his drugs was working, as well as his diet and exercise. Jason woke up with a gout toe and I asked her if she would prescribe predisone as per the rheumatologist's instructions and she did. She shook his hand when we left and said their job was done, the military cardiologist was in charge and hopefully she would not see him again, unless in a social setting. The Heart Institute gets you to where they want you and then they release you so that they can help people less healthy. Yipppeeee.
Then we headed for NDMC for his prescription filling and I was glad his foot would start feeling better by the weekend. So was he.
We got home and set up the house for Jacob's party. His friends got here around 5pm and had Jason's pizza and my cake and Jacob opened his presents - thank you! Then LEGO MAN came and set up his LEGO and all the kids made different items such as a paper crimpler and a robot that they could battle with - this guy is amazing and we enjoyed watching them too! After that they headed to the dance to burn off the cake and pop! A great night. Thanks Dennis for driving!!
Saturday morning we went to a hockey game in Russell, Sean was playing. Then we headed into Orleans and had lunch with Keith, Michelle and the kiddies at the Barley Mow. Yum. What a nice lunch! We headed to Farm Boy and then Toy's R Us and Jacob bought more LEGO (surprise!).
At home we set up for Jason's birthday supper. Lana and Jean brought the chili and we had the buns and salad and Lana's chili was delicious - thank you you guys!! Kim, Maggie and Liam came over for cake. Dennis, Tracy and kids dropped by too as did Tony and Denise. What a great evening with friends! What a great day with friends!!
Today it poured rain here so we did not go anywhere. I am still in my pj's!!!

Good friends and good cake

Jason had his second driving lesson yesterday and he said it went better than the first one and the instructor had less to say (a rundown of what needs improving) at the end of the lesson. Two more lessons next week!
Today there is a brain doc appointment and a cardiologist appointment so I am armed with my questions. Hopefully I will get all the answers. I am getting much more efficient at this. Thank god.
Tonight is Jacob's birthday party - he wants Jason's pizza and my chocolate cake to eat. So I made the cake last night and our new oven did very well. I have been making this Hershey's choclate cake for years. It is easy and simple and Jacob just loves it. The icing was also a success which sometimes does not work out (no idea why). I bought the ingredients for the pizza yesterday so that is ready. I also bought some plates, cups, napkins etc. The candles are ready and I even made loot bags (I think this is my last year for loot bags. Is that normal?). While making the cake I realized I needed some ingredients I was out of or low on so on my way to GT Boutique I dropped in on Teresa to see what she was up to and if she needed anything there. Well she had just made cookies so I had a warm chocolate chip cookie - yum! and then she gave me Jacob's b-day present (he will be happy) and when she found out I had sugar on my grocery list she handed me a bag (she had bought some bags on sale last week) - how nice! Teresa and Tom and the kids - I do not know what I'd do without them! Tom did me a big favor the other night (don't put your mind in the gutter) and I am so glad I have them had friends.
So after going to GT and then Independent I got all the stuff I needed to finish the cake. Jacob was impressed when it was done. So from 5-6 pm they eat. I have LEGO man coming from 6-8pm to do a birthday LEGO workshop with the kids (I think there will be 8 here in total) and then I will take them to the dance in Russell from 8-10 pm where their parents can pick them up. Sounds good? I jsut hope it works out. Sometimes what's on paper is not what actually occurs. We'll see.
Jennifer called me last night and told me they had looked at a house in YK. Turns out it is the house of friends of ours - nice house! They bought it last night - Congrats you guys!!! It is a great house and the boys will love it.

Helping Others

Here are 2 of the military funds that helped us out last year. I had no idea they were in place and were available to us until June 24th. The Canadian military took care of us so successfully - JTFN is a family, not just a Joint Task Force. If you would like to donate to a cause and you were not sure what - here are my two suggestions:

1) Donate money to the CF Hospital Comforts Program: This program ensures that all members of the CF who find themselves hospitalized for longer than 48 hours will have access to telephone, television and internet services for the duration of their stay. In addition the program will provide funds to ensure that hospitalized members are able to buy toiletries and canteen items such as books and movie rentals while they are recovering. Should you wish to donate to this program, cheques should be made payable to the "CFCF in trust for the Canadian Forces Hospital Comforts Program" and mailed to:CF Hospital Comforts ProgramCanadian Forces Personnel Support Agency4210 Labelle Street Ottawa, ON K1A 0K2 A receipt for tax purposes will be issued if requested.
Jason had books to read and toiletry items while staying at the hospital. Which is a good thing because I forgot to pack any as I was runnning around like a chicken with my head cut off at the time.

2) Military Families Fund: The fund is agile and responsive and focuses on an aim that is two-fold. It is a mechanism for raising funds through the support of Canadians and a mechanism to distribute funds to Canadian Forces families who find themselves in unique situations. Base Commanders, partnered with Military Family Resource Centres across the country, will be able to assist military families within hours of being advised of a need.For more information, visit www.militaryfamiliesfund.ca.
Audrey and Roland and I were each given a prepaid credit card from this fund to purchase what we needed while we were in Edmonton - a god send. I did not pack for myself properly either in YK. I forgot my toothbrush, deodorant, toothpaste - everything toiletry so this was a very kind gift to us. We appreciated this so much.
I never thought we were going to be one of the families that needed these funds. I had donated to the Military Family Resource Centre in the past but now I have 2 new places to donate too as well. Thank you.

Jason took his first driving lesson yesterday and he said he did not mention his pseed (he had slowed down) except for on the turns (still too fast). The driving instructor also said he wasn't scanning enough (looking in rear view, side mirrors, over shoulder) - he should do it more often that what he is doing so he practiced that as well. Another lesson today!

Jacob went to Cubs last night to race his 2 cars - the weighted and un-weighted. His weighted car from YK won first place and his unweighted car won third place! He was happily surprised his unweighted car placed.

I had a bad day yesterday. I was upset early on for what I thought was no reason. and it stayed with me all day but I figured it out last night. So hopefully today will be a better one!

On being 11 and 38

Jacob turned 11 years old yesterday. Now I know that your children have tuened 11 or will tirn 11 but do you ever stop to think "How did this happen?". I cannot believe I have an 11 year old. I am young, feel like I did when I was 17 so how did this happen? Everyone talks about how fast time goes and I know it to be true. Jacob opened all his cards and gifts yesterday morning before school - he thanks everyone! He wanted to take homemade Hershey chocolate chip cookies for his classmates so heand I made them the night before. Of course after he got home he wondered why I made him go to school on his birthday. ha I have never had to do that so I guess I don't understand. For supper he wanted real meat on his nachos (not veggies, not chicken) and a cherry cola which he had and then we took a cheesecake and went over to Denise and Tony's to have dessert. I am making a cake for his party on Friday night.
Jason is going for his first driving lesson today. He was up at 3am, couldn't sleep. I am sure he is a bit nervous about this. He hasn't had a lesson ever, except when his Mom or Dad took him out in the car a few times when he was 17 years old. And he knew everything back then, he was 17 for Chris' sakes. He knew way more than his parents. Now almost being 38 (this Saturday!) and having to have driving lessons must be a bit disconcerting. I just hope he makes peace with it and enjoys it. We'll see.
It's been over 9 months since Jason had his heart attack - one benefit to time moving along.

Birthdays

Jason told me he was glad to be here for Jacob's birthday tomorrow. I am too happy to cry. I am so happy he will there for his 11th birthday as well. You all know this. I am also happy he's just here. It is that simple.

Crazy Busy!

This week has gone by so fast! March break is here!!! On Monday Jason saw a rheumatologist - nice man. He thinks Jason is experiencing a chronic type of gout so it is different than before. He had to go and get a blood test and will see him again in 2 months. He wants to design an effective way to treat the gout that will not affect his other medications. He did say that prednisone is the best route starting with 35 mg the first day of symptoms and decreasing every day by 5 mg for 7 days. So that's what we'll ask for if he has an outbreak between now and the next appt with Dr. Arthritis.
We went and saw Paul Blart Mall Cop with Jacob. I think I found it funnier than he did. I love Kevin James.
Tuesday we headed to Kingston for a 2 day break. I fretted over taking this trip. What if Jason forgets his medication? What if something happens to Jason? Jacob has gotten a reprieve from me worrying ever since June 23rd of last year. It is funny how I worry about my husband now instead of my son. Not that I do not worry about Jacob but you know what I mean. SO the first half -n-hour of our drive consisted of me turning around and saying I can't go to Kingston. I had a headache so that did not help and I did not know if I could drive the 2 hours anyways plus I was still worrying about taking Jason out of our routine. I know I was cracked but that's me. Poor Jacob was in the backseat wondering if I was having a nervous breakdown and all he wanted me to do was either drive east to Kingston or west back to the house.
Jason told me to suck it up and drive so that was what I did, god love him. And we got to visit with Dan, Joanna and the kids, Herb and Wendy, Leslie and Martha (from Barriefield Blossoms, Martha now owns her own place - In Bloom) and it was wonderful to see old friends. We stayed the first night at the Ambassador - Jacob enjoyed the water slide to the fullest! and we spent the next night at Dan and Joanna's - thanks you guys!! We hadn't seen them in over 2 years! And I hadn't seen Martha and Leslie in over 4 years!
When we got back we were all tired but happy that we got away. I have got to relax more. I have had nightmares almost every night this week, some nights I am having 2 or more of them. I know I am worrying too much and my chest is hurting again. I have got to let that go. Getting away is good but stressful for me to but I will learn to adapt. Jacob was so glad we went to Kingston. And Jason was too!
Jason helped our next door neighbour today with his basement - doing the ceiling, finishing the basement and there was a spring in his step today. He even asked Ken if he needed help tomorrow so that's a good sign! I had my sis-in-law on the phone for over 2 hours today helping me with our taxes - I think we may both pay in - gross!! I am still crunching numbers so who knows? Thank you Brenda!!!
Plenty of birthdays coming and going....my brother Fred had a birthday on Thursday! He is older than me of course so that is worth mentioing, ha. My younger bro and his wife had a beautiful baby boy - Liam - on Thursday morning!!! Two Rowe men will celebrate on the same day next year. Congrats to Tina, Shayne, Kyle and Troy!! I have another nephew who we all can't wait to see when we go home for a visit!
Jacob's b-day is Tuesday - turning 11!! Jason's b-day is Saturday!! Party on!!!!!!!!!!!

Report card and nurse

Jacob came home on Friday with his report card - 14 A's and 2 B+'s (there are three marks for both languages). He was hoping for all A's, I think he thought he was getting some money if he got all A's. I asked him if he was proud of his accomplishments and he said yes. I told him that is the reward. And we were proud of him too. He went to the dance that night and had the best night ever.
Yesterday a military liason nurse who worked with us in Edmonton called to say she was in Vars visiting a friend. We met her for coffee in Russell in Hot Cup Cafe - it was so good to see her! And to see her out of uniform. It was surreal to be talking to her casually over lunch in Russell after what we went through together in Edmonton. She has seen me at my most stressed and she still wanted to visit. ha It is so great to stay in touch with all of the helpful people we have come in contact with during all of this.

Jason had bloodwork done this morning and his INR test was all good. Good news. The brain doc booking lady called too and now he has appointment to see him near the end of the month so that's good too. A check up is always a good thing. He also got a dental check up booked this morning for April. Things are going....
I saw the social worker this morning as well. She is so great. And that hour that I vent to her is wonderful. She listens and then points out what I am saying. Everyone needs a social worker in their lives. I see the fascination people have with psychatrists. I totally get it now.
The Rodden-Aubuts are coming for supper tonight so we are looking forward to that! Jason is cooking so I am looking forward to that too. Jacob is going to the dance tonight so there will be more stories tomorrow. I am going to try and book a holiday for us to Newfoundland. I also have to try and find a projector. I wish money grew on trees. Nix that. We have no trees in our yard. I wish money grew on blades of grass. Then I could just mulch it up with the lawnmower and deposit it at the bank in a paper bag.
I am going in that general direction so now I am going all the way. I dreamt this morning that our basement was leaking and the water was dripping in silently under our stairs in the basement. We have a cubby hole under the stairs (where Harry Potter could live if he had to) and all sorts of stuff is stored in there and if there was a leak no one would find it for a while. So when I woke up I had to find the flashlight and crawl in there and move boxes out until I could make sure the insulation, walls and floor was dry in that corner. Paranoid or what? I told Jason about my dream and he said it would be scarier if there was water in there on the floor. he is OK with me being paranoid.

Job

A job that I have given myself is looking for a job. That said I have been actively looking and applying for positions but I have not heard back from anything unless it was a "funding fell through" letter. I applied again for another one today. I saw a job for a horticulturist in a cemetary last month and I would love to do that job - plants and cemeteries - the job has my name all over it but it doesn't pay well. A girl can dream I guess. Any ideas about fabulous jobs in Ottawa?
Jason's foot is a bit better again today and he seemed more perky (yes I am using that word to describe him) today. He made supper tonight and did a wonderful job - butter chicken, basmati rice and naan bread - yummy!
I went with Jacob's class skating again today. Great fun. Watching him interact with his class does my heart and soul a world of good even if I am cramping his style.

I am back.

A lot has gone since I last wrote. I have not been myself for many reasons since I last wrote. While Audrey and Roland were here I realized how much I missed them. But I also started looking at Jason through their eyes. That was not a good thing for me. I saw the stress in Audrey's eyes at times and I became stressed. I managed to figure out what was wrong and what I was doing was not helping anyone. I wish I hadn't done it but it was a learning experience. And then I felt bad for Audrey and Roland because they did not get the true me this whole visit. Audrey was sick for most of the week and then I became sick so that did not help. It was so wonderful having them here. It was so wonderful each night going to bed knowing that Jason was happier because they were here. Jacob enjoyed them so much. Roland did lots of things we needed done around the house, Audrey cooked us delicious meals and bread! I do have the best in laws. Our relationship has changed to say the least but it is deeper.
Jason had a surprise visitor last Thursday - Ron D. came to visit. Ron was in Cornwall for work and we hadn't seen him since June 23rd. Ron helped save Jason's life so having eat at our table that evening and seeing Jason's face light up was pure joy. We got updated on the crowd in Yellowknife and being able to hug Ron and thank him was a gift. He helped give me back my husband, bring back Jacob's father, return a son to Audrey and Roland. Thank you to everyone in JTFN, I can never say it enough.
On Saturday Michelle, Lee and the girls drove from Barrie to visit us! It was so wonderful to see them and the girls have grown - so beautiful. I would lock them up if they were mine. We have a good time we them and it was great to hear all their stories. We are grateful for family. Jacob really enjoyed them - he hasn't stopped talking about his cousins.
Roalnd and Audrey left Sunday morning, it was hard to see them go. We have to go home within the next 4 months. I miss Newfoundland even more now. I wish we lived closer to our families. I have a new niece or nephew coming soon and I wish I was there. Jacob is close to all his grandparents and his 2 uncles and aunts and he needs them too. We are lucky to have a good relationship with all of them. It's a balance but I think we all work on it with love. When it is all said and done family is worth it.
Without friends where would we be? Today we were having tea at Kim's and they were going out to Montana's for supper and invited us along. We had such a nice time together and then Ken invited Jason to go see the Watchmen movie and Jason really wanted to see that. How nice is that? Kim and I took the kids to Chapters for a bit. There was a bit of a bathroom gross out moment (it did not involve us - thank god) but the kids love potty humour. I do too (to be honest).
Jacob got a call from his best friend in Yellowknife tonight and his Mom won a trip for two to Ottawa (radio contest)! Jacob was so happy and excited when he was on the phone and after he got off he screamed with joy! What great news! He misses his friend so much and now he has his visit to look forward too. Good timing because he was missing his Nan and Pop and now he has another great visitor lined up. So maybe in the begnning of July they will be here!

Jason slept in yesterday, good for the brain and body. Roland went outside and tuned up and summerized our sleds. Both batteries were frozen. I was supposed to put them in the garage before winter came - notes for next year. Now I hope I can remember to buy new batteries in the fall. Roland had a little buzz around the yard on Jason's snowmobile. Next year we will be on those machines every weekend there is good snow. I look forward to that.
That afternoon Audrey and I made our way into Ottawa. She bought paint for Jacob to paint his new Kub Car (the one without the weights). She bought a top and a pair of shoes too - very nice. We had a coffee, dessert and a chat before we can home - a nice afternoon. Warmer than usual too.
Tonight Jason and I went out to a movie while our babysitter's wrangked our son. I think a good time was had by all.

COLD - I think we brought it from YK!

Yesterday and lately it has been cold. No, not -40 degrees but -20's and -30's with the wind and it is icy. It blows through your bones. Now that didn't stop Roland and Jason from walking in it yesterday but it stopped Audrey and I. Audrey has has sinus problems ever since she landed and this is the first time she has ever had a problem flying. Mom and I go through this almost every time we fly. I feel so bad because I know how painful it can be.
Yesterday we went an dwatched Jacob skating at the rink (his class went). He spent more time on the ice than he did skating I think but he had fun. Of course when he came off the ice we were cramping his style I think. I tried giving him kisses as the class left to go back to school but he wasn't having any of that. ha
Jason is still his quiet self. This may be our new reality. I have started getting used to it. Will I ever get used to it fully? Maybe. I do miss his chatty self but if this is the personality change that I have to contend with then it is a very mild one. He still can make me laugh out loud, his wit and sarcasm are still there. And that's the main thing. What are we as a couple without sarcasm? It has been the basis of our relationship.
His foot is better again. I hope this flare up is over for now. The Rheumatologist called the other day and he has his first appt during March break so we won't be going very far that week. This foot problem is important to his well being.
Oh, I also forgot to mention that driving back from Orleans to here through the farm fields I was travelling along doing 104 km/h in an 80 km/h zone. How do I know this? With my in-laws in the back I had a policeman turn on his lights and pull me over. He was very nice and I told him I have never gotten a speeding ticket and now I have my in-laws as witnesses to my first one! I was nice, he was friendly. He checked me out and came back with a by-law ticket saying I had ignored a sign (it does not mention that it was a speed sign) instead of a speeding ticket. My insurance won't be affected and I should slow down. How nice is that?? I really thought I was going to get a $200 fine or so because it has been a year of firsts for me and I figured why not this too? But he was a very nice guy and gave me a break. Whew.

Home Improvement

Yesterday morning Roland and Jason put up my curtain rods and curtains (I finally found curtains!) in the living room (Mom I will post pics to Facebook). It seems odd to have them there now. I find myself looking at them way too much.
Then we headed to Home Depot for a longer Icemaker stainless steel hose for the refrigerator. You can get these hoses in 12 inches, 24 inches and 10 feet! Why the jump? No idea. But I called a number of places and everyone had the same stuff. So I bought that one and Roland hooked up the water to the fridge and tied the hose up in the back so it wasn't all over the place and stuck it to the back of the fridge. In 24 hours we will have ice and water!
We invited Tony and Denise and Colton (Staci had dance) over for Audrey's fish cakes for supper (they brough fish with them!) and they were delicious! Jacob loves his Nan's fish cakes. I made home made baked onion rings with a mango curry dip (all low in fat!) and Denise and Tony brought the wine and dessert - excellent meal. Thanks you guys.
Jason's foot is still tender so no exercise on that. Hopefully it will feel better today or tomorrow.
I went to bed at 9:30 pm last night because I was up the night before. Last night I woke at 11:56pm, 2:22am, 3:10am, and at 4:15am. During that time I listened to Jacob talk in his sleep, Jason breathing, I checked on the icemaker, read the book for the icemaker and found out you should not use it with a water softener unless you absolutely have to (which I do because I have one and if we had no water softener I would ruin my dishwasher, clothese washer and hot water tank) - oh well. I may have to change the filter more often. C'est la vie. I checked around outside thinking maybe my body is telling me danger is lurking outside and that is why I am up so often. Nope not that. I did check the patio door and I had left that unlocked -oops! Maybe that is why I kept waking up. Who knows? But 2 bad night's sleeps in a row is not a good thing for me. I was just getting used to sleeping well. I am so happy to have Audrey and Roland here so I don't get it.

In-Laws and a visit with the Hilliers

Yesterday we headed into Ottawa to pick up Roland who was coming from Deer Lake and just as we entered the airport he was coming down the escalator. Perfect timing! It was so good to see him. We grabbed up his suitcase and bag and headed to the Hilliers. Theresa had put on a spread that would impress a caterer. Such wonderful friends. Audrey was coming from Calgary so her flight didn't get in until 6pm so we visited until then and headed back to the airport to pick her up. I love my in-laws so it is a joy to have them back after 5 months. Time can fly by can't it?
Jason is so happy to have them here. Jacob of course is estatic. Now he wants to know if he can take Friday off because they are only here a week. ha I am going to call his teacher and see if it's OK.
Jason's foot is still a little tender, another bout. But we both think it may be arthritis, not gout. So he is managing the pain with some Tylenol. I sw him run after Jacob for the first time (just playing) and he didn't mention his foot then so that's a good sign. This should be a great week!

Birthday Party/Rink/At Buddies

Jacob has a very active social life. Between the birthday party, going to the rink and hanging with friends he had a good day. He was asked to do a sleep over but he said he couldn't because he doesn't want to miss picking up his Pop tomorrow. How sweet. I am so proud.
Jason and I had a moment today. The back of the truck has a roller system and it froze up due to it being 7 degrees yesterday and -26 last night. So I asked Jason to use his he-man strength to open it but the darn lock was frozen like a rock. The real problem was that it was warmer earlier today and I managed to get it open and put the groceries in there after shopping. But now we could not get them out. Jason didn't know what else he could do. I wanted him to fix it. I was tired of fixing problems, putting out fires. He was willing to leave it be. I am Type A, Jason is Type B. A + B = Problem. This equation sums up our marriage. Hmmmm for an anti-math person I have used alot of math in these few sentences. He must be rubbing off on me.
Things must be going back to "normal" - I gave up cursing for Lent (Jacob insisted I give up something, he gave up TV) or I would have cursed on him today and that would have been a "normal" activity for us.

Basketball Support

Jacob and his team from school played in a basketball tournament today at St. Thomas High School. It was fun to watch him in action. I had never seen him play basketball before. We watched 3 games and in the 4th game the coach decided to play her "power wall" all game and this did not include Jacob. So that took the steam out of his sails - he realized he was not one of the best players on the team. Thinking this and being told this are two different things and now he has no plans for playing next year. That one game has discourage him from trying out again. Isn't competitive game playing wonderful? What are we teaching our kids? I tried telling him that it wasn't right, that it wasn't the way elementary basketball should be played, it should be fair and rotate every kid so everyone plays and has fun. But Jacob is not a competitive soul and as soon as it turned into that it wasn't fun anymore. Now Jason is like is as well. Me, I am as competitve as one gets which is not a good thing. And I do not let Jacob see that side of me. I want him to have fun and not be trying to win all the time. I just want him to play his best which he did today so I was happy. He was happy too until that last game. Life is not about winning, it is about playing.
Jason and I had a good conversation last night about the Jason you all remember and the Jason that was born on June 23rd of last year. Their kind souls are the same. Their love of sarcasm is equal. But that mouthy Jason comes in short stints and more at home than out in public. I have seen bits of the personality I once knew shine through but it is an adjustment and will be for those who knew him before last June. We talked about that and Jason knows he is different in that way. Now he doesn't think he was personality plus like I think he was but that's ok because that part of Jason is the same - he will never toot his own horn. So I will toot for him! His intelligence has always blown me away and sometimes he doubts that it is there. But it is. I see it all the time. He has no idea how smart he is even though they told him after testing him at rehab. Just because he forgets how to cook something does not indicate lack of intelligence. I heard him explaining the metric system to Jacob the other day and I thought "Good, one less thing I have to answer!". ha
The conversations we have alone now are more in depth and interesting. I had missed those talks and I am so happy they are more frequent now. I missed that side of our lives and now that I see it coming back I know the possiblities for the future are endless. As I see Jason's brain make the reconnections I am even more interested in neurological science. Maybe a new job direction for me - who knows?

You never know what your kid is going to say......

Rule #1 - I now cannot buy an appropriate birthday gift for Jacob's friends. He is going to a party on Saturday and I bought a few different things for him to choose from. But they were all a bust. He tells me that he wants to make the gift and gives me a list of things he needs and asks to go with me to pick them up. So that's what we did today. Of course ducking in and out of a few stores he tells me on the way back to the truck that he is about to ask me something and that I cannot repeat it to anyone. So he asks me his question which was about sex and sperm and what not and no I won't publish it here. It was a good question and my answer which I can publish because it is me (always a loophole) was "No, the sperm does not always reach the egg and fertilize it during sex. But usually when you think this will be the case, a sperm gets there and the girl get pregnant. So always "glove up!". Glove up Mom? "Yes, wear protection, wear a condom". Saying "Glove Up" gets me out of using the word condom.

Rule #2 - Always act casual when your kid asks you questions about sex. The questions will keep coming if you do so.

Rule #3 -Tell your kid you like his long hair so that he may think about cutting it.

Jason put down his book today in the truck. He has been doing that lately and yes it is news because usually I start driving and he starts reading. A good sign. The driving lady did ask him to pay attention while I am driving to see why I am making driving decisions and apparently he is taking her advice. He doesn't take mine so things are about normal in this area of our lives.