Yesterday was a quiet event.

Jacob turned 12 yesterday!!! I cannot believe how quickly a boy can turn into a young man. Scary really. He thanks everyone for their cards, gifts and phone calls. I miss the little boy but this young man is a joy and good company. What a day.

Yesterday Jason went back to work. 668 days since he has officially wore the uniform and gone to work. Amazing. Amazing this day has come and gone. From the moment I walked into Stanton Territorial Hospital on June 23rd, 2008 I knew this day would come. I made a choice on my drive to the hospital that day. I chose to believe that Jason would be OK, no matter what. No matter what. Now when I entered the ER and was told "I could not see him yet because they hadn't brough him back yet" I almost panicked. I almost passed out. But I knew that would not do anyone any good. Not Jason, not jacob, not all of the military family in ER, not our family and friends and not me. I had to be the ONE. The one that stands tall, listens, thinks and absorbs all of the medical and military speak that was going to try and absorb me. But I had to control that. Slowly. How I did this I will never understand. I wanted to fall to the floor and be that hot mess. The love of my life was fighting for his life, his military colleagues and friends, the ER personnel had also fought for him. I had to do the same. I owed him that.
Jason has taught me so many things over the years and he deserved my undivided attention. It would get us back to yesterday. To happiness. Jason has always treated me like a queen (the fact that I am one should not make me presume my spouse would automatically treat me like one). Now that did not mean we did not argue. The opposite is true. We argued hard, against each other, for each other. It was that verbal sparring that amde us close. It was all out there, and we loved each other despite it. Some people watching us argue (we love to do it openly, sorry folks) thought we were on our way to divorce court. That is never in our agenda. I had to drag Jason through all of that medical hell - who else would argue with me and love me at the same time? Who would treat me like a queen? Who would be Jacob's father figure? No. He had to pull through. He had to make it. No choice in that.
To all of JTFN, to Stanton and the Royal Alex hospitals, to all of our family and friends, to all of the military community and our civilian communities in which we have lived - thank you for supporting us, thank you for thinking of Jason and including him in your lives, thank you for being a wall of support in a house that could have crumbled. There is strength in numbers. I have no doubt.
Something was lost but something was gained in our experience so far. I am not the same person. I am a better person. My memory is not as good these days (there is always a lot going on in my head) so that was a loss, but I love harder. My inner strength is bolder (who thought that was possible?), I am louder (who thought that was possible?) and I am more opinionated (do I need to ask that question again?).
Military families need support from their communities, from each other. Stand tall. reach out to each other. Do not unplug someone in a coma until you are sure. Be sure. Never believe what the first doctor tells you. Listen to your gut. When your significant other squeezes your hand, it may actually be a squeeze and not a reflex. Help your neighbour. Actions mean more than words. Love your family and friends, do not take them for granted. Give back and you will benefit in ways you cannot even imagine.

Fantasy and reality

Busy week ahead of us, been a great week behind us. I went to see my osteopath again. My hips have stayed put since the last visit so that was great news. My body can adapt to positive change. So she then focussed on on my spine. Oh my. She warmed up the muscles around my vertebrae for about 20 mins and then told me to take a deep breath in and I knew when I breathed out something was coming. Sure enough - she found that one vertebra that was twisted on an angle so below that she lifted all of them up and dropped them down again and I heard a distinctive pop, like when someone puts their knuckle inside their cheek and pulls out). That noise was my vertebrae dropping back into place. She felt my spine again and the vertebrae which has been out of place for 6 years is back where it should be - like magic, scary magic. She worked on my neck for the rest of the visit - the third and last injury I have but she could not get to it so one more visit should fix that up, I hope. I do feel alot better than before our visits despite the scary movement of my spine but my muscles are responding in kind, I am sleeping better (cannot stop snoring due to post nasal drip - my jaw and sinuses would be affected too she said) and I am feeling more like myself. Jason, on the other hand, starts in our bed and finishes his nights sleep in the spare bed. I feel bad for him but what can I do. Until I adjust and the weather turns permanently warm I am what I am. I sound like Popeye but other than that I am good.
We saw Alice in Wonderland yesterday and we all liked it. I get Tim Burton. This is not a children's fantasy but an adult one. Supper at the Osmonds was divine -Moroccan - thanks Michelle and Keith! 3 games of 120's was great too - too bad the men had luck on their side.
This week is so exciting, I may not sleep due to it. We have been waiting for this for a long time and the routine is anything but boring to us. We are craving routine. Bring it on.

My mind is gone, half the time.

An interesting week. Jason took an interest in cleaning out the garage, which has not been touched since we moved here. Ok. Maybe it was not so much an interest as avoiding the future. I told him if it wasn't cleaned up and sorted, I was going to back the truck up (emphasis on BACK THE TRUCK UP) and load everything into it and drop it off at the dump. The journey to how he got there doesn't count. The fact that he has started in on the garage makes me happy. Plus someone will know what's out there.
Dad's birthday was on the 11th! Of course I mentioned on Facebook how I forgot to call him on that day. I only told everyone at work who mentioned the date that it was my Dad's birthday. I told Jason, excuse me, reminded Jason that we had to call, reminded Jacob too. Did I call? Nope. My mind is officially gone. We did go to the high school for their Open House night so we could check out the school, the teachers, the classrooms, etc. I am a bad daughter but I will spend the rest of the year until the next birthday trying to make it up to him. Dad, of course, loves me (I am his favorite daughter. Never mind that I am the only one.) and has already forgiven me. But the guilt will be carried by me for quite some time. You see I am perfect and a superwoman so to forget this important day is heinous and devestating.
Back to the school, Jacob will be going there in September (unreal) and it was nice to see it up close. All of the staff were friendly and personable, the school itself is getting a brand new 7/8 wing (awesome!) and they have sun roofs in the classrooms! They are going healthier in the fall - no vending machines, the cafeteria will improve its menu, so that makes me happy. The 7/8's also have a Breakfast for Learning program so all kids get something to eat in the mornings. The teacher in charge is hoping to expand that program and I am hoping to volunteer. Lots of sports, Jacob wants to play football and rugby maybe - is this the beginning of breaks and sprains? Knock on wood.
Work has been busy but it is such a great place to work. Truly a gift working there. I just hope when my contract is up next year that there will be another place for me in that organization, I love going to work in the morning.

News!

Thursday resulted in another hurdle climbed, we had a meeting with case management which included our representative, a representative from the IPSC, Jason's doc, a nurse and a representative from the Forces.
Jason returns to work in 18 days! He will start out with may be 3 half days for a month, be re-evaluated, then move into some full days, and so on. Well you could not wipe the grin off his face. Or mine for that matter!
In the meantime he will have his two medicals, be evaluated by all sorts of military medical docs and case management people and then a decision to retain with restriction or to release will come down the pipe. Jason hopes, of course, that he is retained with restriction (no overseas postings but continuing to contribute at work). He can only work 3 years max like that but he wants to work, be a part of the CF. Possible transfer to civie street workign within the CF is possible as well. Of course there is always a chance of medical release, thank you for your time, bye. But that last option is not one of ours.
Jason has defied every law of physics, broken every rule of neurology and medicine, every small success has gotten him and me to here today. I have been inspired and empowered by Jason in his recovery (don't tell him I said that, wink!). In the wake of the past 18 months I have somehow managed to feel better about myself. And my self-esteem was high to start with (ha).
When Jason had his heart attack our marraige was strong and could take the brunt of that ordeal. Today I am happy to say it remains strong. I did worry about it faltering as we went through this, knowing that it may be a lifetime of ups and downs (which is what marraige is anyways so I don't know why I was worrying about it). I cried in the shower yesterday morning and on the drive into work. It hit me that the day he puts his combats back on is fast approaching. I remembered the cardiologist telling me early on he may never go back to work meaning that he would be lucky to survive let alone hold down a job.
Last night Jason was talking to an old friend on the phone and he asked me if he had an IV in during his hospital stay (they were talking about IV's, his friend in is the hospital right now). Of course I replied ever so delicately "IV? You had an IV, a central line, a feeding tube and a ventilator, oh and don't forget about the trach!" Jason replies over the phone (while ignoring my loud comment) "Yeah I guess I had an IV". ha
I wish I could forget some of that early trauma sometimes but it does remind me of how far we have come. Together.