Moving forward

God, this has been a crazy week. I have to write. I have to give voice to the realizations from this week. Learning through the chaos, the tragedy is the only way I know how to move forward. I have cried, I have sat in shock. Crying and dwelling does nothing for me personally in moving forward. Action does move me forward.

My family and I have had discussions. We visited the Memorial and were moved by the quiet, the gentleman who kissed the monument, the gentle politeness, the communal grief shared amongst us. We donated money in the name of the families and I want to donate more.

Writing has allowed me to ease the sorrow. What have you been feeling? Doing to move forward?

When the books fall off the shelf......

I believe the "books started to fall off the shelf" for me the day my husband dropped dead at work (he was a soldier in the military at the time). His 5 co-workers saved his life that day with CPR and doctors and nurses saved it again and again. My life was saved that day by experiencing this traumatic event. My heart broke open and I woke up. We had an amazing life and family life leading up to this day but after that day I felt like I was now really living. I now know what is truly important to the core of myself. My husband survived a massive cardiac arrest. a subsequent brain injury with the help of our family, our friends and our military community.

My husband, son and I dared greatly and thrived over time with this experience. My husband medically released from the military last year and just graduated with IT tech diploma and will return to school in the fall to do a IT security diploma. My son is now a 16 year old with a wise brain and loving heart. After taking care of my husband that first year after his heart attack, I went looking for a job. The book fell off the shelf - I got a job at Military Family Services helping other military families (the goal I set for myself in the hospital) and have to continued to work for military members and their families through the good and tough times in their lives.

I am grateful for this learning, post traumatic growth.

Living an authentic life is all the rage - through Oprah's shows with Gary Zukav, Brene Brown, the list goes on. Ever since I moved off the island I have heard all sorts of comments and stories. "We love Newfoundlanders!", "I love your accent" and "Newfoundlanders are the nicest people" for example. As time went on and we moved from province to province or territory and from city to city I grew older with a great appreciation for going "home" once a year. Something my hubby and I were both drawn to do after we got married and even more so after we had our baby.

Being connected to our family and friends on the rock wasn't just a choice, it was a requirement in order to breathe again, relax and rejuvenate and of course reconnect with our upbringing, our selves. And these days I realize Newfoundlanders have been born and bred in authenticity. we are our authentic selves. Now there may be outliers but I don't remember having too many fake conversations, or being witness to fakeness. People are self confident, with healthy self esteem and they speak the truth. Home.

The fact that this article caught my eye and I had to read it reminded me that this is not the direction I thought my life would take, I had not anticipated after 14 years of marriage that my hubby would go through such a traumatic event, that our family and friends would too. I had not anticipated the fight but I imagined the comeback. The successes, the joy. Not every day is easy, and on any given day one or two or all 3 of us have a difficult day but we get through it together. Thinking about this adventure together, it is the glue between the three of us and all of the support that surrounds us that lifts us up. It's not just about surviving now, it's about living.

Last night I was happily surprised (again) about Jason's recovery in this journey. And it never really hit me until this morning. Crying in the bathroom quietly I fully realized that he was there for me in a way I hadn't heard in almost 6 years. We were talking about things and he was actively listening, supporting me, came and sat by me and was fully there, backing me up. I took this for granted for 17 years. Never again.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/health/organ-donation-after-cardiac-death-1.2577269

Coordination of Medical and Dental Benefits

Procrastination can only go on for so long when you have to bite the bullet, sit down, and wade through paperwork. I have had the medical and dental claims out to do so many times but whenever I started I managed to find something that was missing or had to be scanned or had to be signed etc, meaning every excuse in the book not to get it done. Last weekend when I thought this was it, it was going to be now or never, I noticed a mistake made by a front office and had to get that fixed during this past week. With that done I had no excuses today.

What used to be only a slightly painful exercise before hubby retired is now a bigger pain due to the extra steps to coordinate benefits now that his dental company has changed from being the same as mine to another. Also as my birthday is the last day of the year and Jason's is much earlier Jacob's benefits have to go through his first then mine and when Jacob and I always had our paperwork combined and the companies were the same it was easy peasey. Now? Not so much.

I know how lucky we are to have medical and dental insurance. Believe me I know. But the mounds of copies and original receipts stuffed into 3 envelopes to be mailed tomorrow tells me that there must be an easier way. It did not help matters (well it did but I was ticked) that Jason discovered our health professional can submit claims directly. The same front office hadn't bothered to tell me the past 5 years I have been visiting them (AKA paying them copious dollars for service). So when I asked why I wasn't told before they weren't sure. But it could happen in the future, I just have to deal with the mounds of paper this month. I will hopefully be OK next time round (a reduced amount of pain anyway).

So there's my rant for today. First world problems (Jacob keeps telling me). Perspective is back and I am headed off to get a cup of tea and a bickie.