2011 in retrospect

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone! This was a wonderful and this was a difficult year for us. In January Jason had his ICD (defibrillator/pacemaker) inserted in January. Many dilemmas about this and what was best for Jason. Joanna, Dean, Jeff, Robyn, Kim and everyone was wonderful during that time - thank you. It turned out to be a smart move.

The end of March my contract ended with DMFS (Directorate Military Family Services), I loved working there with my PPD team but the good news is that I started April 1st with QOL (Quality of Life), an amazing opportunity to support families including their CF members and help families with their access to health care as Family Health Care Coordinator!

In May I went to NYC with my peeps (fabulous trip - thank you Michelle, Jackie and Florence). I went for stress relief and found it at the Plaza Hotel! Central Park, MOMA, Broadway (Mamma Mia - a surreal experience for me, I was in heaven), Statue of Liberty, Strawberry Fields, shopping on Fifth Ave, Versace, Tiffany's, FAO Schwartz, Saks, Bloomingdales, the list goes on! Drinking a Cosmo with your friends and laughing easily lifts the stress away.

After I got back from NYC (I like saying NYC -can you tell?) Jason's ICD fired and he had another massive cardiac "event" as they like to call it (I like calling fun things events but I digress). Jason recovered from that with some meds adjustments but lost his licence due to the ICD firing. 7 months I drove him and for 7 months he drove me (we drove each other up the wall at times).

In June we found out one of the most important people in our lives is battling cancer. A shock but a roller coaster ride again but we are used to that by now. Fighting and winning, thank god.

Jacob finished Grade 7 with amazing marks and he played soccer all summer. We loved watching him play. In August we went to Newfoundland for our annual visit.

In September Jason was posted from Leitrim to the IPSC (Integrated Personnel Support Centre) and was then posted to DCSM (Directorate Casualty Support Management) which is in my building. So we were driving together every day and working in the same building - a definite recipe for marital success.

In November I went Black Friday shopping with some amazing women (Thanks Lisa, Kristine and Kim - you guys made me laugh so much, just what the doctor ordrered) and Jason started a new job at the Department of History and Heritage - he is working in a library and loving it! I met his co-workers at his work Christmas party and they are the nicest bunch! I am so happy for him.

In December, after 2 months of research, we bought a new vehicle - Jason got his licence back before we bought it so he is a happy camper. An early Christmas gift for us all. Jacob is doing well in school and I am loving my job, working with an amazing caring group of individuals and supporting military families.

Other friends have been diagnosed with cancer and illness this year, we are missing the people who have passed away this year. Family and friends are quietly struggling behind closed doors, battling life and its challenges like all of us. Reaching out to support each other is the greatest gift you can give and the greatest gift you can receive. I know this for sure. We have been held up and supported through this 3 1/2 year transition which will be ongoing I think and that is OK. Through the love and support of our family and friends, co-workers and even strangers, we will ride this roller coaster. Now we will do it kicking, screaming and swearing, but we will do it. I hope we can do the same for you.

To 2012 and all of its surprises and mysteries, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone!

After lots of thinking and soul searching I realized I am driving my husband up the wall. Well, maybe I came to this conclusion after he told me "Lisa you are driving me up the @#&%$ wall!". Just over 3 1/2 years ago I went from sharing the responsibilities of home, family, our life 50-50 to taking them head on 100%. Over time this moved from 100-0 to about 70-30. I thought I was doing pretty good and I would say Jas thought I was too (this being all in my head of course). But now, as most of you know, he's doing so well, so amazingly well, that he doesn't need me that much anymore nor does he want me giving him direction or taking on stuff and leaving him out. I feel as though we have been transitioning all this time and we were used to doing this 1-2 months after a move or a tour but 3 1/2 years is a long time to be in transition. Needless to say it has taken its toll on all of us and yes I am grateful that we have been able to take this journey (the other road was not one I ever want to take).

Now I need to learn to let go, I definitely need to relax. I hope I can do this and I have been taking small steps towards this since the fall. 2012 is the time to do this even more. Of course it takes two to tango and the changes we have made over all of this time have not been easy or comfortable at times so I forsee that in our future. I am just glad we can do it together.

Pain is a funny thing. I know it is an ironic thing to say but it is, it comes over you whenever it wants. No matter how much you try sometimes it will come to you anyway. Anxiety for me comes from the anticipation of such pain. I have figured out some coping mechanisms to stave off the anxiety and I must say my day to day living is improving.

With that said I had an anxiety free Black Friday shopping weekend with 3 wonderful friends. Laughing and swapping stories, shopping and eating, sharing a drink, it is good for the soul to do this with girlfriends. Making the time to do it and following through will not disappoint.

Being raised to care about people was just one of the brilliant things my parents did for me. Thanks Mom and Dad. I am glad I am that person. I am glad Jason and I can pass that down to Jacob (Jason was raised the same way). We need to keep the caring going.

Black Friday is not about the shopping

What a wonderful weekend with good friends, laughing, gabbing and shopping. Just what we all needed. Such a fab shopping experience!

Food critic?

We went to the new restaurant in town last night to check it out. It was beautiful on the inside - job well done! We had to wait ten minutes to get a table despite some tables being reserved and empty but that wasn't a long wait. Our waitress was great but the wait for our starters was about 45 mins to an hour. Jacob tried the triple decker club which he liked except for the cheese slices ("not real cheese"), Jason had the donair wrap which he said was ok but would not have again (also no dressing for his salad) and I made the mistake of ordering the fish and chips - fish was pollock and undercooked, coating was thick and mushy like a bad chicken ball and the fries at this place are frozen and are not worth the calories. I would never order it again. The menu had many options and I will go back and give it another chance as it's local. The waitress did take my order off the bill and was very kind, she told she was embarrassed about us having to wait so long. Three tables had already walked out on her. Poor girl, I hope she stays there.

Thanks

Thanks to all of our family and friends who love us unconditionally, without your support, emails, phone calls, and visits, we would not be where we are today. I am grateful for Suzye, Brian, Ron, Derryck and Bruno, and all of our military family; the staff at the Royal Alex, the brain rehab centre at the General and the Heart Institute. I am grateful for all of my extended family at work - my so-called sanity is intact.

Some of our friends are more family now than friends - a bonus to being a military family.

From heaven to hell

Again the phrase Your Life is For Rent is drove home again and again and again. Damn. Jack Layton, Resolute Bay, damn. My heart goes out to all of the families, friends, loved ones who are mourning today. We mourn with you.

Our trip to Newfoundland this year once again showed us how precious life is...from listening to the laughter shared by Jacob, my three adorable nephews and my parents to watching Jacob go down to the shed with Pop and measure his height to seeing Jason smile at his grandmother and me sitting down at Maria's wedding with my aunts and uncles having a drink and talking about old times. Reconnecting to those who love us is an annual ritual of ours that we have not taken for granted. Playing cards in Millertown with my aunts, surrounded by the Lanes, including the puppies, is a gift. Playing cards with Fred and Brenda, before Jacob got sick, another gift. Watching Jacob play with their new puppy - a gift. Having a meal at Gros Morne with Marie and her friend, spending an afternoon with Paula, one of my nearest and dearest friends, as she cut and coloured my hair (Thank you!), eating Audrey's muffins, having a laugh with Dena and Bill, watching Jacob have a laugh with Aaron, watching Jason enjoy crabs legs at Ida's and Cater's, sitting with Roland as got his chemotherapy treatment - all a gift. Newfoundland brings me back to my soul, every time.

Attending the Cullen double retirement in Gananoque after we got back from NF (I didn't know it was a double until John let it out of the bag!) and spending an evening with the Cullens, the Osmonds and meeting new friends was a night of pure joy. The authentic sharing of love and respect in that room that night was painfully noticed by me. Why do people act fake? Why are people not themselves 24/7? I do not know how to live any other way and I am grateful. The food, drinks and laughs never stopped until we went to bed that night. Thank you John and Dodi for including us, we miss you.