Sorry for taking so long to write. I did write a blog last weekend but I did not post it. If you can believe it I thought it was too personal, too raw. I wrote it, reread it and realized I did not want to see it in print. So as helpful as it was to spew it out of my system I did not want certain people (no I am not talking about the people who love me) as this is a public blog to read it. It was just too much. I have decided to just keep a private journal for those moments from now on because this has happened before, not often because I usually reveal everything and I am a pretty open person, so it may not end up here but it will be written down somewhere. I hope you understand.
It's been a good month so far. Jason is still improving, which calms my nerves when things are bad for me. The other day he emailed me at work and we bantered back and forth about what to do this long weekend. When I said "well let's see if Jacob has planned anything for us too" he replied to my email quickly and referred to Jacob by his nickname (the nickname only Jas called him, a personal one). Jason has not referred to Jacob by his nickname since his heart attack. It was as though that had been wiped out memory wise. I had even forgot it about it myself and I did not have a heart attack. When I read that email and read that line I instantly remembered that it had not been used in almost 2 years and my eyes watered. So I am sitting at work, staring at my computer screen, and tears are slowly running down my face. Jason used that nickname with such affection for Jacob in the past and here it was again.
I replied, once I got a grip, and told him that he just made my cry and how he hadn't used that term for Jacob in so long. He replied " I know, and I did not realize it until I typed it". He typed it first and then read it and realized he hadn't used it in a long time. The human brain, or at least Jason's, continues to freak me out.